Dear friends, I am in deep shit. Not only do I have like 15 posts I haven’t done yet but on the other hand I’m lagging behind on my monthly reviews, and I’m also lagging the determination levels to listen through all these crappy-ass albums so I’ve decided to switch to an easier format – song reviews. My idea to listen to all K-pop albums was fucking retarded in the first place, so I think I’ll just continue doing this instead. Well, then, welcome. Take a seat. Take your pills too and a bottle of water because these are two months worth of songs and reviews to sit through. However, as a way to keep things fresh and exciting, I’ve divided all the songs into four sections: “general”, “summer specific”, “nugu” and “boring fucking shit”. Let us get started! Careful if I talk shit about your faves.
Summer songs have been a thing in K-pop for a while now. I could go ahead and make specific sub-sections such as “tropical horseshit” and “Sistar rip-offs”, but that would be going too far.
Hyolyn – Bae
This song is even more intolerable than “Shake It”, and that’s saying something. Can’t she copy “I Like That”
or “Give it to Me”
instead? I guess good music isn’t in style this summer.Score:
2 tasty sexy hash tags out of 5
100% – Grand Bleu
I’m not sure what the point of this five dollar budget video was, maybe it’s their anniversary or something so they couldn’t be fucked to do an actual comeback. Unfortunately, the music suffered a great bit as well.
Score: 2 better days out of 5
Mamamoo – Egotistic
While avoiding the tropical house trend like the plague (lol no, they did a tropical house song earlier this year), Mamamoo unfortunately didn’t manage to avoid the Latin pop trend and reggae, so that’s Egotistic ended up being that. The song is almost decent and the aesthetics (not to mention Mamamoo themselves) improve it a lot.
Score: 2.5 um oh ah yeahs out of 5
A-Yeon – You and I
I don’t know much about this chick who apparently is a drummer but I highly doubt I’ll ever even care about her if she continues to do these boring tropical shit songs. Luckily, she doesn’t seem like she can sing so at least she’s pretty quiet for most of the song.
Score: 1.5 drumsticks out of 5
FT Island – Summer Night’s Dream
The guy from Produce 48 actually has good songs, wow. Though it could do without the marimbas in the background during the verses. Clearly N.Flying has started a revolution and all the Korean male rock bands are starting not to suck.
Score: 4 treasure islands out of 5
Brave Girls – Rollin’ (New Version)
The second the girl said “in tropical beat” I regretted playing this song. Anyways, the saxophone ruined the song, it sounds like it belongs in a pop song from my country, and that’s no motherfucking compliment. Otherwise it’s pretty average and even borderline catchy but I can’t let it pass because we have to collectively eradicate tropical house.
Score: 2 sax riffs out of 5
Jessi – Down
The ass is the only nice part about this song, everything else is utterly unimpressive from the singing to the generic tropical instrumental. Now if you want to cheer up and get out of your misery after listening to this crap, check out that one shitty freestyle diss rap
she did three years ago.
Score: 1 pair of boobs out of 5
Dia – Woo Woo
MBK seems to be on the verge of collapsing these days because the two slightly relevant groups they had are gone (thank god). Shinsadong Tiger is back to doing what he does best with “Woo Woo”, which is of course, stealing shit. This time however, he didn’t exactly choose the right song so the result is nothing more than average. It’s kinda catchy, but doesn’t have much lasting impact.
Score: 3 plagiarism accusations out of 5
Gugudan SEMINA – Semina
This sounds like a rejected 2015 Mamamoo title track with the brass and the funk influences, and one of the girls even sounds like Solar. Of course, the hook is every bit as weak as it is when Mamamoo do this kind of thing. Pretty much the only reason why someone even considered making this sub-unit is that this trio was on Produce 101.
Score: 2.5 pointless sub-units out of 5
Ashley – Here We Are
If she basically comes from the same company as Loona, why is she releasing this? I don’t really mind the MV and the synths in the chorus actually sound pretty great but overall I’m not feeling this.
Score: 2.5 tennis balls out of 5
GFriend – Sunny Summer
They really, and I mean REALLY, got the styling right in this video. Might be cause SinB kinda looks like Moonbyul. Oh, and then there’s the song…It’s actually much better than any other attempt at pulling off the “Sistar summer song” style, even better than what Sistar themselves did every summer, but it’s still a bit shit and it wouldn’t be nowhere near as good if it wasn’t for the girls looking absolutely amazing.
Score: 2.5 accurate weather forecasts out of 5
KARD – Ride on the wind
The song is alright, not too shabby and definitely not as shit as “Hola Hola”, but let’s talk about more relevant stuff for a minute. Reason #1 why co-ed groups are never successful: right when I’m trying to admire BM’s half-naked body, that cunt Somin appears on the screen and ruins everything.
Score: 2.5 minutes of staring at BM’s man tits out of 5
HeyGirls – Nog-yeojwo
Being a nugu doesn’t have to be a handicap all the time, because this sounds like an even better Sistar rip-off than what GFriend did. It’s still not great, of course, but I was surprised by how much I actually didn’t dislike it.
Score: 3 sunny summers out of 5
Hyolyn – See Sea
Hyolyn also had another song before “Bae”, it was also summer themed and as a sane person, I expected it to be the usual once I heard the beginning but…somehow, I’m living in the timeline where Hyolyn successfully pulled off doing a tropical-80s throwback style song hybrid. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind just listening to the instrumental but the vocal melody isn’t that bad either.
Score: 3.5 videos where Hyolyn looks kinda crap out of 5
Red Velvet – Power Up
There are two types of people on this planet: people who think “Bad Boy” is better than “Power Up”, and people who have a good taste in music. Just kidding, I’m not discrediting anyone who prefers their January comeback but this one is muuuuuuuch better. The only thing that could improve this song would be making the bass even louder.
Score: 4.5 pineapples out of 5
Twice – Dance the Night Away
But if there’s one K-pop song that truly made me feel the summer vibes, it’s this one. I bet people are still saying “CHANGE THE CUTE CONCEPT REEE” even though this song sounds pretty different from their previous bunch of title tracks and the video isn’t even that “cute”.
Score: 4 cool nights out of 5
Chungha – Love U
This song made me love Chungha, mostly because it’s every bit as good as her last one, “Roller Coaster” and it’s also the one actually good tropical house song this summer. Not much else to say here. The production is great, the melody is catchy and Chungha is hot.
Score: 4 relevant former I.O.I members out of 5
Average score for all the summer-themed songs this year:
I do not have the effort to calculate anything but let’s say it’s 2.5 hot girls dancing on a beach out of 5
Boring ballad/R&B songs
The biggest enemy of the consistent quality of K-pop are definitely shit ballads. I don’t mean to say that all ballads are shit because one of my favorite songs of last year was a ballad but on a usual basis Koreans really like their ballads in the most boring possible form, which makes them pose a big threat to good music.
Raina – It’s okay
Raina heard Yoona’s last two songs and was like “oh damn, when Pledis lets me out of the dungeon for 2 seconds to drag After School fans on a rope, I’ll copy what this chick did and it’s such a relief that I can actually sing so I’ll make the song three times as good!”. Her vocal talent had the opposite effect on the song and it doesn’t help that whoever wrote it is an idiot and doesn’t realize that giving her voice more room doesn’t help. If only the instrumental moved a bit more during the parts where she was singing the most, this song could have been good.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 65%
BtoB Blue – When It Rains
This one has a different version of the same problem in Raina’s song, and that is that the vocals are given too much space and emphasis. I don’t care if you can sing, anyone can vocalfag around when backed by a decent producer who edits the shit out of your vocals. You didn’t have to make a whole sub-unit centered around it.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%
Tenny – 159cm
Pretty bland. No one would be mentioning this if it hadn’t been for the accompanying music video. Luckily, the video is nice enough (file it somewhere between Maco’s “Sweet Memory” and Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls” in the lesbian music video list)…but I would rather have a version with two guys in it.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 60%, 30% if they’re watching the video
Taeyeon & Melomance – Page 0
This one has a gay video too. It’s also pretty boring (both the video and the track), even more so than the last song on here…even though this song has more of a groove and seems more upbeat. I don’t have much to write about it, just listen to this if you enjoy usual SM Station and don’t if you agree that most Station songs miss the mark completely.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%
Zico ft. IU – Soulmate
The theme of falling asleep at some points of this video sure describes my feelings on the song. The general public in Korea will love this for sure. Anyways, it isn’t that bad, it’s actually quite alright by “serious jazzy crap” standards but the standards are quite low.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 75%
Jin Longguo – Friday n Night
“Ballad Longguo is back, I’m so happy” is the second thing I read in the comment section of this video. The title sure is misleading because good-looking guys at his age should be out partying and drinking every Friday, but he’s an idol after all, he probably spends his Friday nights training and crying.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%
Average amount of people who’d fall asleep listening to these songs:
100%, with maybe some exceptions because a lot of people enjoy boring music
Nugu group songs
Groups that make you ask “who the fuck is this and how do they have such an amazing song, why didn’t SM/YG/JYP think of this amazing shit”. Simple enough, right?
Target – Is It True?
Target’s producers are unfortunately looking for inspiration in all the wrong places, and probably noticed that a lot of more popular boy groups do boring shit and went and tried it for themselves to very dull results. The video actually looks very good but the guys are all styled to look the same so no eye candy to be found here either. What a letdown.
Increase of sales by: 20%
Laboum – Between Us
These girls have been here for like four years with no chance of actually becoming relevant yet most of the songs they’ve released are fucking great, and here’s another one. This one would be their “cute girl group goes sexy” moment, and they did it about as well as a certain other group which will be mentioned later. It didn’t need the sneaky background vocal masturbation near the end, however.
Increase of sales by: 80%
Myteen – She Bad
Right when I though that the house sound SM was pushing on all of their group at one point was dying, suddenly nugu groups started to do their own budget version of it at a lower speed with a slightly better, catchier and sexier song to back it up. It’s still meh but they tried their best to improve something that is usually a letdown. (*stares at f(x)’s 4 Walls*)
Increase of sales by: 60%
In2it – Sorry For My English
In terms of the aesthetic, the awesome dance moves and shitty breakdown I have a feeling this could have been Roly-Poly 2.0, but it’s unfortunately not as musically powerful and the chorus is kind of disappointing. Despite that I must say, this song is actually pretty enjoyable at times and the production is cool as heck. I likey like dis.
Increase of sales by: 70%
Musky – Secret of My Heart
Well, the music sure is fucking brilliant, but I really wish this whole song and MV was done with a male duo instead because there are certain fetish-fueling moments in this video that I sure wish I could fap to…and I would also get a bonus good song in the background. I demand justice for this fucking shit.
Increase of sales by: 90%
Sha Sha – What The Heck
My thoughts exactly. Sometimes this song sounds like it could come from one of those newer slightly-below-A-list girl groups and sometimes it sounds like the most nugu thing ever. In any case, it’s different (I mean, when’s the last time you heard this cutesy pop-rock stuff), fun and energetic so I support it ideologically and as a song too.
Increase of sales by: 80%
Sixbomb – Hiccup Hiccup
The video here is worth watching purely because of all the porn references that they aren’t even trying to hide, to the point that it’s almost comedic. On the other hand the song is to “Pound the Alarm” what GFriend’s “Glass Bead” is to SNSD’s “Into The New World”.
Increase of sales by: 40%
Baba – Oh! My God!
The 7 dollar vocal editing, production, MV and camerawork all paid off at least in a musical sense, because this song sounds absolutely magical, about as good as when more popular groups do it with a larger budget. Kinda sad that their lineup changes with every next comeback, it’s even worse than Rania and Nine Muses.
Increase of sales by: 85%
Nature – Allegro Cantabile
The wave of good, yet severely underrated K-pop songs from this summer is best represented by what was probably my most-listened to song during the summer, Nature’s debut song – “Allegro Cantabile”. Someone has to do the weird shit after all. This song doesn’t only have fucked up melodies, harmonies and transitions but is also borrowed from some anime OST…of all places. Iconic. Showstopping. Whatever your favorite up-and-coming girl group is, Nature blew their wigs off.
Increase of sales by: 100%
Cherry On Top – Hi-Five
This really reminds me of Odd Eye Circle’s album tracks, in a pretty good way, and it helps that this song’s better than all of those. Pity that these girls look like they’ll end up doing sexy submissive exploitative concepts about two to three years into their idol career when their company figures out that they aren’t really doing well enough to get into the B-list of girl groups (that statement rings a bell, doesn’t it?).
Increase of sales by: 70%
D-Crunch – Palace
If you lived in a palace I’m sure this video wouldn’t look like this and the song wouldn’t be shit. Nor would one of the guys say something that vaguely sounds like “Roly-Poly” and drag T-ara’s name through the mud. Nor would I be stuck waiting for a “Girls Girls”
-esque awesome breakdown that makes the song not sound quite like shit anymore.Increase of sales by:
Bigflo – Upside Down
Bravesound is pretty much the same as he’s always been – one time he’ll make an absolutely shit boring song and then the next day he’ll write a group’s best hit. This one has no future of being a hit or taking Bigflo to Relevanceland but it’s still great.
Increase of sales by: 80%
Minseo – Zero
The song and the hairstyle don’t suit Minseo quite as much as “Is Who” and her hairstyle in it, and there is a whole pack of other problems in the way that her vocals are embedded into the backing track in some parts of the chorus and how awkward the mostly bad-ass video looks in the parts when Minseo is just standing and mime-singing, and I also don’t really like the way the whole song ends, it doesn’t really do this song justice. Now, that’s about it for my complaints, everything else is good enough.
Increase of sales by: 70%
Imfact – Nanana
I’ve always thought that Imfact are one of those nugu boy groups that do truly have potential. Honestly I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad over this song being great because it’s kinda sad for SM Entertainment when an unknown boy group does that house-y sound you’ve been trying to pull off for years better than you in their first try. Sadly this song takes its time to progress from below-average to above-average which kinda takes away from the full enjoyment and a 100% increase in sales.
Increase of sales by: 90%
Saturday – MMook JJi BBa
I’m so sorry for always comparing groups to one another and talking about one group when reviewing another, but K-pop is a genre that pretty much lives and breathes on copying, so comparing isn’t really so unreasonable after all. Now, there’s a small number of less-successful girl groups that have tried to mimic the musical genius and conceptual weirdness of acts like Orange Caramel and Crayon Pop, but most of the time the results end up half-arsed, even when they try their best. Saturday did their best Crayon Pop impression with a great song on the first try at copying them, so they’re the exception to this rule. Hell, this is even better than that one last song Crayon Pop did
that had a dumb sax riff as well. Kinda sad that the general Korean public overlooked this brilliant fun shit.Increase of sales by:
Up10tion – So Beautiful
There are certain standards that I have when it comes to K-pop MVs being fappable, and usually there is a limit to how aesthetically pleasing one video can be while being fap material at the same time. Hyomin’s “Sketch” is a great music video simply because of the fact that it looks great and has high production values, but at the same time its genital-pleasing prowess cannot be denied. On the other hand, I find low-budget low-effort videos to be much easier to use as a replacement for porn, as you’ll never really be distracted by the pretty colors and matching of elements and you can just focus on the cute guys. Trust me, cumming is easier.
Increase of sales by: 70%
Overall number of nugus who need a train ticket out of Nuguland:
I don’t know, but stan them if you so please
General songs, AKA all the crap that I didn’t have a special section to add into
So here are all the songs that are reasonably relevant, not too far off into ballad territory and not summer-themed despite being released in July and August. It has a little bit of everything, and of course a little bit of crap here and there too, and I’m pretty sure it’s the longest section too.
Berry Good – Green Apple
Berry Good release really good stuff on a usual basis but I guess they just had a slight misstep here and ended up making one of the blandest songs of their whole career. At least the lineup seems to be pretty much the same from 2016 and I’m not one to get discouraged anyways, because they always release a boring song or two between their good ones.
Score: 2 green apples out of 5
Apink – I’m So Sick
I love this song so much that I listened to it one too many times and it got a bit boring now, so I’m just gonna wait for a month to pass so I can enjoy it again. Anyways, this concept suits them slightly better than the usual mundanity they used to do and the music was getting worse anyway so they were always in need of a little change.
Score: 4 white dresses out of 5
Holland – I’m Not Afraid
Okay so, whoever works with Holland obviously can’t teach him how to sing properly or fix his vocals in other ways, and he completely lacks personality in his image and vocals and absolutely everything, making him the Korean version of Troye Sivan…but this song is great and his singing isn’t even that important in the song. Actually, I would have appreciated it if his singing was kept even quieter, I love the instrumental a lot, and the fact that it’s poorly produced by usual high-budget K-pop standards adds to the enjoyment.
Score: 3.5 complaining vocalfags out of 5
Holland – I’m So Afraid
The other song sounds like it could go off and be the second version of “Neverland” that I will never ever need, but with the way it progresses, it just gets even more and more awesome, and it’s pretty nice that this one has much better production and less shaky vocals. If Holland could just continue going into this direction of focusing more on making good music rather than living on a reputation of being gay and releasing boring shit.
Score: 4.5 gay solo artists out of 5
Golden Child – Let Me
Most aggressively average song of these last two months, but it isn’t trendy bullshit, which is a good thing for K-pop overall.
Score: 2/5 and no made up measurement unit to tell you how much I liked it because I already told you in the first place, and it’s just not worth thinking about
MXM – Ya Ya Ya
I wouldn’t say this on a usual basis but, they did it better than T-ara. Which is not much of an accomplishment, obviously, because “Yayaya”
is shit and instead of actually linking the song, if you click the link on the text here you’ll get to listen to a better T-ara song from last year (be grateful). This song is okay but while writing this part I stopped listening to “Ya Ya Ya” and just went to listen to the T-ara song. You should do the same.Score:
3 shubidubi shalalalas out of 5
Triple H – Retro Future
Not really all that catchy but the amazing production, the “sexy vibe” that is mentioned in the lyrics and Hyuna and E’Dawn’s performances help take it to a whole another level of greatness that wasn’t really quite there in their previous release. Now I hope they keep doing the same thing as “Double H” because one of them is obviously a third wheel and probably feels awkward knowing that aunt Hyuna and his group mate are fucking every night and their chemistry in the MV is 0% acting.
Score: 4 retarded dating scandals out of 5
Teen Top – Lover
Not sure why Teen Top’s company hates good music so much to the point that they would release tropical shit in a year when it’s supposed to be gradually going away for good. And to top that off they also had a good song last year and here they are now going back to being shit.
Score: 1 “omg sis this is a bop” comment out of 5
Leo – Touch and Sketch
Okay so, the chorus is magical but certain parts of this sound like very generic R&B and I don’t really like the guy’s voice but I got over it. Now make the video sexier please, I can’t fap to this.Score:
3.5 hours of pondering why this song isn’t as good as “Touch”
out of 5
The Boyz – Keeper
These days the Bravesound-style intro is out of style and people are starting to give credit to their producers in the motherfucking song title on Youtube. Why, I will never know. Anyways, the song is very decent but the video is pretty fappable in a “cute guys dancing outside or standing still and being pretty in gentle lighting”. Kinda like a male version of Apink with equally boring music.
Score: 2.5 jizzshots out of 5
Seungri – 1, 2, 3!
Basically an even better version of what a decent Western male artist could do on a better day, and definitely more charming, energetic and fun than most other songs you’ll hear all year. Seungri and Anda both look pretty fantastic. I think people forget that he’s the one in Bigbang with the best solo stuff (not to mention, he’s the hottest one, I’ll be back when I’m done with my “staring at Seungri” break).
Score: 4 nut explosions out of 5
Seungri ft. Mino – Where R U From
When I think about a K-pop expansion to the US and Europe it would be more reasonable to think that these stupidly fun and simple dance songs would probably be the ones to go viral first, I mean, who can deny those cool dance moves and the ridiculous MV…oh wait, someone did it already. Fuck.
Score: 3.5 cum discharges out of 5
Twice – BDZ
Gotta love how it’s not only the best Japanese song Twice have done so far, but they also trolled all the haters by dressing up in black and making the beginning of the video overly dramatic then just doing a song that’s about as “usual Twice” as it gets. I’m not even gonna pretend that anyone watches this video for the song though, I think this one’s just all about Jeongyeon killing everyone on sight with her fucking visuals.
Score: 4 tanks with attractive girls in them out of 5
Astro – Always You
It’s always a relief when one of those mostly instrumental-based choruses doesn’t sound empty, and it seems like more and more groups are actually doing it right this year. This sounds like those EDM songs Seventeen do sometimes, in a good way.
Score: 3.5 actually okay instrumental choruses out of 5
Seventeen – Oh My!
Speaking of Seventeen…All it takes is a slightly above-average song and a slightly above-average video in terms of aesthetics to camouflage the members of Seventeen that I find unattractive and make them super good-looking, weird.
Score: 3.5/5, but will Pledis debut Yunjin if I say that “Thanks” is SOTY?
LOONA – favOriTe
So I’m not that keen on the song itself, I just see it as what it was in the first place – a pre-release to show off how awesome the girls can be and maybe a way to bait idiots who later complained about “oh no, a cute concept”. So it’s pretty nice because not only did all 12 of them (especially Yves and Yeojin) nail the feel of the song and MV but it also gave people who dismiss good songs because of their dislike for certain types of concepts something as well.
Score: 3 milliseconds of screen time for Vivi out of 5
MXM – Checkmate
The song’s average, even the jarring breakdown’s just average by jarring breakdown standards. Donghyun is cute though.
Score: 2 Davichi phenomenons out of 5
Monsta X – Livin’ It Up
Finally, someone knows what they’re doing in Japan. It’s not an inferior version of their Korean material, in fact it’s a superior version of everything they’ve released in the past two years…and it’s also not an attempt at copying J-pop but taking inspiration from the shittier side of it…wow. Starship knows where the money is so they gave Monsta X the most average song possible in Korea yet went all out in Japan. Keep doing that, please. By the way, hi Wonho.
Score: 4 smart business moves out of 5
how do you spell this again – Hann (Alone)
I don’t mind this, I definitely liked it more right when it came out and the spell kinda wore off, but it’s still pretty okay and a vast improvement over their very boring debut song. It’s definitely more relevant that the girls look absolutely stunning this time, whoever’s doing makeup and styling over at Cube needs a raise…and they should maybe move to a decent company.
Score: 3.5 plagiarized Hyuna hand-licking moves out of 5
SF9 – Now or Never
And this is how you do boy group comebacks. Honestly I would have preferred if the song just went a bit more into aggressive-moody electronic territory instead of going back to R&B all the time, but the result now is pretty great and should serve as a lesson to everyone else who tries to do a modern sound like this but fails because they try to follow too many trends instead of trying to write an actual song.
Score: 4 funky guitars out of 5
Stray Kids – My Pace
Thank god this at least kinda rocks and it has some nice synths in the chorus, because it suffers a lot from a lack of cohesion and goes in four different directions in its four minute run time, which isn’t always a good idea
. The chorus is pretty good though and the dudes are hot and can rap, so I likey like this.
Score: 4 songs mashed into one out of 5
BTS – Idol
Here’s the big one, and I’m not sure where to begin with it. Some people love it, some hate it and I’m honestly somewhere in the middle, because I think it could have been great if you took away the awful hard Autotune, Jimin’s high note and gave more focus on the beat instead of the low-effort irritating raps. I still listen to it sometimes because of the instrumental, but it could have been one of BTS’s most awesome, infectious, viral songs but they try a bit too hard instead of just staying back and letting the beat do its thing. Also, Taehyung is currently riding high on my bias list, that pink hair suits him too well.
Score: 2.5 attempts to chart high in the US out of 5
Kyungri – Blue Moon
Score: 5 gay backup dancers out of 5
iKON – Killing Me
For once I actually understand what the fangirls are screaming about (I mean, apart from Bobby). This song is on a level above every other iKon song, and though it spends some time being pretty average, it’s kinda like Blackpink’s last song, where the verses are just foreshadowing the awesome instrumental hook.
Score: 4.5 cute idols with weird teeth out of 5
LOONA – Hi High
This is eventually going to end up being on top of my faves of 2018 list, for a whole bunch of good reasons. I knew I was going to love it at least because of the typical (hi) high level of production, not to mention the cute girls. Unlike a lot of Orbits, I never had a problem with Loona doing a cute concept for their debut, and it made sense that the song and MV weren’t dark because all 12 of the girls being together should be a happy occasion, right?
Anyways, the song is a bit extra, but I’m loving everything about it even though it’s overloaded with layers and layers of sounds and different melodies. Honestly, it could have been entirely perfect if it simplified itself a bit, but all members have to somehow get lines. The fact that twelve girls have to be together on a three and a half minute song definitely caused some minor issues. Hi-highly recommended to everyone.
(Next post is going to be a “all LOONA songs so far ranked” post, by the way, look forward to that when I’m done in about 10 years)
Score: 5 awful perverted Heejin upskirt shots out of 5
Things we have learned this month :
- K-pop albums are a waste of time, rarely ever are there exceptions where there’s more than one song to listen to without going crazy/falling asleep. That’s why I’m only reviewing songs now.
- Tropical house is officially not trendy anymore. It’ll 100% go away in about 2 years, so let’s not celebrate immediately though.
- Whatever your favorite girl group does, GFriend can do better.
- Red Velvet’s Red side remains superior and if you don’t like “Power Up”, you’re boring and you suck.
- Chungha is the best post-I.O.I artist.
- Shitting over ballads is fun. The “boring shit” section is recommended to everyone with insomnia. Now let’s pray that Yoona will release another ballad soon to save the day.
- Watching for new nugu groups pays off because when they release something damn good, they release something damn good.
- Holland should not be afraid to look for some vocal lessons and a better producer.
- Seungri is great (pic below related)
- We should all pay JYP to never let the Twice members do any plastic surgery and ruin their beautiful faces like the last Nation’s Girl Group did.
- To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand LOONA. The lore is extremely subtle, and without paying lots of attention most of the hidden messages will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Yves’s killing visuals, which are deftly woven into her characterization – her personal philosophy draws heavily from Olivia Hye’s “Egoist”, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this group, to realize that they’re not just cute – they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike LOONA truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the quality in Yeojin’s solo song “Kiss Later”. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Blockberry Creative’s genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools… how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have an Odd Eye Circle tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
Thanks for reading ❤