Best of 2018 K-pop – Honorable mentions!

The year is nearing its end, so that obviously means it’s time to write my meaningless opinions on K-pop throughout the year in big-ass posts that almost nobody is gonna read. But here they are, or at least some of them. I’d like to first say a statement about K-pop this year that I’m going to elaborate on further in my best list post – K-pop was great this year. While I wouldn’t describe this year being the genre’s peak, it certainly succeeded at standing its own ground and it finally felt like K-pop was back from its death, or to put it more accurately, temporary slumber. For part of that we definitely need to thank Twice, so I put them up as the cover image for this one to recognize them as the most important group of these last two years.
The list itself took me a pretty long time to make, as it took a while to listen through some of the songs I had singled out as being the better ones, and even though there were a few songs here and there that I knew had to be on the list, there is a handful that I even forgot to review that still ended up somewhere on the lists. For a certain part of the songs, I actually changed my opinion partly regarding them and I like or dislike them more.
This is just the prelude for my best list for 2018 – songs I had to mention without including them on the list. These are songs that I liked, but didn’t entirely feel comfortable putting on a best list, or else they were just beaten out by the strong competition. There are quite a lot of them this year, to the point where I thought about extending my list from a 30 to a 50 but it just didn’t feel justified.

“Summer’s Gone” by Ashmute

This band doesn’t exactly fit the K-pop label, mostly since they seem to be pretty independent and they write their own music, but this is a pop song by a Korean band, and it’s quite good so it only feels right to include it. I personally didn’t expect much after seeing the “K-Indie” logo on the thumbnail because Korean indie music tends to be a bit boring, but this remains very chill and laid-back but still has enough tempo, energy and good production to compensate. The singer also has a voice very fitting on top of a backing track like this, and actually she’s reason enough for this song to be here.

“Slowstones” by Slowstones

Slowstones are way more unknown and way less poppy when compared to Ashmute, but this song is way too unexpectedly amazing to let go of. This honestly sounds way more like my image of Korean indie music, and indie music in general, just with more pace to it, catchier melodies and a really nice way of getting more intense as it progresses. Just add a pretty girl in the video and you’ve got yourself a good package that no one pays any attention to because they’re all idiots.

“Siren” by Sunmi

I guess Sunmi was just waiting for the right moment to put out her actual bombastic return to the post-Wonder Girls disbandment world of K-pop. It’s exactly the style she pulls off the most – glossy, feminine 80s pop with a strong performance, an instantly addictive chorus and an off-kilter breakdown leading up to the final, most triumphant part of the song.

“Shoot Me” by Day6

I wouldn’t describe myself as the biggest fan of Day6’s usually soft style, as their attempts are crafting warm pop-rock anthems fall flat for me most of the time. Thus, it was pretty refreshing to hear a song like this from them in June, as the surging chorus and generally consistent atmosphere finally grabbed me enough for me to consider them viable candidates for the best list. It’s just a bit sad that they were beaten out by other songs, but I still consider “Shoot Me” the honorary #31.

“Secret Garden” by Oh My Girl

Another one that only barely escaped an inclusion on the list, this song is one that I only went back to around July. Yeah, I can’t be a liar-liar and say I saw this coming as a hit, but I’ll be damned if I don’t say it grew on me. I didn’t really think I’d ever come back to it after January, but it just kept finding its way back into my head. Oh My Girl have consistently stuck to concepts that suit them and just never disappoint with their music – this time, I think they’ve finally hit the highest point in that regard. It’s been a while since I’ve heard something this dreamy and ethereal in a way that remains fun to listen to, with beautiful strings and synths leading the way to a chorus that I consider one of the most astonishing in this group’s discography, even though it didn’t seem catchy on the surface.

“Punk Right Now” by Hyo

Hyoyeon has to be the one Girls’ Generation member that I actually have hope for in the future, in the sense of handling herself solo. Though Taeyeon certainly seems to beat everyone when it comes to sales, this punk chick blew all her peers both in her group and overall at SM out of the water with her newfound badass EDM style. This song has one of those select few instrumental drops that actually work, and if you don’t believe me you can check for yourself.

“Paradise” by TST

TST also had a very good year, and I’m saying that even though I still haven’t checked out any of their previous material. I’m sure that if they previously flew under my radar they must have improved a whole lot. Anyways, this sounded a bit like some average boy group tropical shithouse the first time I started listening to it, but it was on my awful phone speaker and I was barely listening to it anyways, so when I actually heard a more high-quality version of it I was absolutely amazed. This is pretty much what all boy groups are striving for when they try and fail at making one of those sentimental but upbeat songs.

“One” by Samuel

It turns out I was very wrong when I thought this was going to end up being one of my top favorite songs, and it’s just because that chorus wore off for a bit and there was too much good stuff coming out after this. Samuel is still as hot as I remember when I last watched the video a few months ago though.

“Lower” by Amber & Luna

Kick-ass songs I forgot to review when they came out: Exhibit A. I’ve been in love with this song since the day it came out, simply because I was always waiting for the time SM would finally get the house style they’ve been attempting so often right for once. Plus the song is performed by Amber and Luna of all people. It’s like I can have my cake and eat it too.

“Killing Me” by iKon

Okay, so, iKon might be homophobic idiot frat bro-type boys that I would want to punch in the face in real life, but sometimes we have to separate the art from the artist because this is a killer song and we all know it. I guess this is what it took for iKon to get out of their previously eternal fate of being the group at their company that gets all the stuff Bigbang cut out of their albums…oh never mind, they just went back to doing stupid bullshit exactly one release later.

“To the sky” by CLC

As much as I appreciated “Black Dress” I ended up switching to this one last minute for the honorable mentions. It always felt like the standout track on their February mini album simply because it was different compared to the others, especially the chanting of “run to the sky” and the brightness of the first instrumental chorus.

“I’m So Afraid” by Holland

Holland shouldn’t be so afraid anymore because he’s finally come out with a good song, so there’s no need to worry. I don’t think Holland even contributed much to the insane quality level of this one, it’s just an intense electronic dance song with little to no singing and even the slight singing is unimportant enough for Holland to get away with his sub-par vocals.

“Sunset” by Kim Donghan

I’m not sure if it’s just Donghan’s camera-friendly appearance and him satisfying my love for K-pop boys wearing earrings or if this is actually good. It also has a pretty nice instrumental so I guess that helps, but I can never listen to this song without watching the video. If there’s one good thing that came out of that awful Produce show it has to be this dude.

“Hi High” by LOONA

I was very, very wrong when I said that this was maybe going to end up being my favorite song from the year, mainly because it’s really high pitched and shrill to the point where it hurts my ears physically to listen to it. However, it’s a very good song in its core and that’s why I let my ears bleed freely and I keep replaying it again and again.

“Hann” by (G)I-DLE

LOONA and I-dle’s songs were released somewhere around the same time if I remember correctly, and while I got a bit bored of “Hi High”, I actually warmed up to this one and even though it clearly didn’t become my favorite thing ever, I think it does a lot of things correctly, especially the atmosphere with the production. I still don’t like “Latata” though.

“District 9” by Stray Kids

I figured I had to put at least one Stray Kids song on here because I felt insanely hyped about them back in January…too bad they seem to be getting blander with every next comeback. This is what works best for them, and would probably work best for any boy group – a punchy, awesome piece of pop influenced by hip-hop and slightly by rock, judging by the guitars in the chorus. Though I mostly came for the hot guys.

“Bad Boy” by Red Velvet

Red Velvet are mainly responsible for me getting into K-pop again last year and starting this blog, but these days I can barely listen to any of their songs. I feel like my perception of most of them was a bit inaccurate, and now it hurts a bit to face the reality that a lot of their songs seem to be missing something. I originally thought the same thing about “Bad Boy” and I still partially do think that the chorus melody is a bit weak, but I’d be damned if I said that beat wasn’t a total killer.

“No More” by Uni.T

Sometimes it just so happens that someone manages to actually mix reggae into a K-pop song very well, and this is definitely one of those instances that kinda sounds like “Why So Lonely” by Wonder Girls if it was a bit more groovy and infectious. Apart from the unneeded high notes, this is a really good song with solid production and a chorus that will get stuck in your head after only a few listens.

“BDZ” by Twice

The only thing that truly separates this song from all the other Japanese Twice songs is the man himself, JYP, who not only made this song but also made it to sound somewhat like a more playful, bright version of a miss A song. The best thing about it definitely isn’t the song, the video or Jeongyeon though, but instead the way Twice trolled all their fans and haters into thinking they would be doing a more powerful concept and then just coming back with the usual.

“I’m So Sick” by Apink

I was pretty sick of Apink’s concept as well, since the constant repetition was for sure taking a toll on the songwriting quality. This is a whole lot better, even if it sounds a bit tropical at the beginning – I promise you, it’s not.

That’s a wrap, now please look forward to the posts that are to come!


Monthly K-pop Track Roundup – November 2018 –

I can’t believe I’ve been doing this dumb shit for almost a year now. Also, it’s almost that time of the year again so prepare for an exciting full Christmas section of songs for next month. Meanwhile, let’s check out the last scraps of decent music left in K-pop, including a lot of comebacks for moderately relevant as well as very popular groups and artists, a few debuts here and there and a whole bunch of fucking bullshit. Let us commence!

Boring ballad/R&B songs

The usual. Let’s see what mediocrity was released this November.

Leebada – Painting

For a second I actually had hope for this until this chick started singing. This is just a very average song, sung by a pretty annoying vocalist who doesn’t suit this kind of smooth stuff, with a pretty nice video and nothing else to speak of.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 50%

Jay Kim – Happy Together

I innocently wondered about why the intro is so weird at the start of this song, but then the saxophone actually started playing, with fucking Rhodes in the background, and I went back and listened to the stupid intro again. People say BTS aren’t K-pop, but what the fuck is this doing on the Stone Music channel.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Lafee – Love Fever

One time I had a really bad fever and I didn’t go to school all week, and one of the days when I was absent there was a Scream Queens marathon playing on TV so I went and watched the whole first season in a night. That’s the first thing I thought of when I saw the title. If anyone actually finds something interesting to talk about within the song, please notify me.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%

O.When – Picture

This is surprisingly not bad, mainly because there’s no Rhodes and the chord structure isn’t too awful when we’re talking about ballads. It’s also a bit boring, but going from awful to boring is certainly some kind of step-up, right?
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%

Chohyun – Last Summer

Last summer, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll write a song about it and this idiot blogger will accidentally put it in the crap section beforehand thinking it was gonna be a piece of shit.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 0%

Pacman – Goway

Then there’s this dumb shit and I’m suddenly convinced I should continue judging all songs by their thumbnails. In this video’s thumbnail, the dude looks super depressed and I think it’s reflective of the depressingly average song he made.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

K.Will – Those Days

No gay shit, no good review for K.Will.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

South Club – I’m Crazy

When it’s on the verge of being good, it gets boring and tuneless. I think releasing a good song would be crazier than being such a letdown.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 60%

Crush – Lay Your Head On Me

Is his voice autotuned to hell and back or is it just the usual for K-pop and the only reason why it sounds weird is that the instrumental is a bunch of nothing.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Sam Kim ft. Zico – It’s You

Wow, imagine dating one of these stupid K-R&B dudes, it must be a nightmare, at least if their music has any kind of relation to their skills in bed.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Nell – Let’s part

k. But actually this isn’t as awful as expected, it’s just tedious and uninteresting.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Matilda – Between Fall and Winter

What even is between fall and winter apart from a lot of depression and a general lack of direction because you don’t know whether to wear hoodies, drink tea and watch leaves fall from the trees or wear scarves, drink hot chocolate and decorate Christmas trees? Matilda clearly don’t know either, just like their company doesn’t know what to do with them.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Baek A Yeon – Sorry to Myself

The real reason why JYP don’t do ballads as often as other companies is probably that they suck double at it.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Elkie – I Dream

Not even gonna say anything about this one. It’s just one hell of a disappointment.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Nugu group songs

Alright, let’s check out what crazy shit happened over here.

H.U.B – Finale

This group has always been pretty crap so let’s hope that this truly is the finale. They should have laid off a bit on the Latin sound though, it’s cultural appropriation after all.
Increase of sales by: 30%

Pierce – Galaxy

What the serious fuck? Can these six-year old girls please get in line and wait for a debut just like everyone else? I mean, at least they got the concept right and the company wasn’t stupid enough to make them pedo bait.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Numori – Cheer

I don’t know who these people are but I bet they’re having a lot more fun with their music than your average K-pop group. Now remove the singer please, he sounds annoying and constipated.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Hotshot – I Hate You

I wish I could blame how weak this song is on the way everything is a tad too quiet in the chorus but its core is actually pretty weak to begin with, so the questionable mixing choices don’t influence it to a large extent.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Aqua – Log In

While the concept of this group is very unique and cool, I don’t have anything to say about their song cause it has its moments but is just very average overall.
Increase of sales by: 60%

D-Crunch – Stealer

This is kinda similar to their debut track but not as shit, with the same go-nowhere feel and lack of cohesion that ruins the entire thing.
Increase of sales by: 10%

DreamNote – Dream Note

This song is a bit of an unusual almost-good mixed bag, it starts of with annoying shouting, all the parts are catchy but not really catchy enough to grab me and the chorus is only cool in theory and it sounds underwhelming in reality. On the other hand, sometimes parts of this song randomly pop up in my head at totally random times, especially that “ooh ooh” part in the first verse. I don’t know whether I like this or not.
Increase of sales by: 70%

TST – Paradise

While boy groups tend to get sad and sentimental stuff wrong most of the time, TST do it right by having a consistent mood, nice melodies, little rap utilized in a good way and only a little bit of trendy bullshit clogging the backings.
Increase of sales by: 85%

HeyGirls – Yoo Hoo Hoo

Guys, it’s November. It’s embarrassing to make the Sistar summer sound your signature sound for all year.
Increase of sales by: 50%

Black6ix – Swamp of Despair

With a title like that and those edgy outfits I really wanted this to be black metal or some shit but instead we got…whatever this is. Not that it’s bad or anything, it’s just done on such a small budget that a lot of the potential is squandered.
Increase of sales by: 60%

14U – News

If it’s not “ayo jinjja news, ije wasseo oops” I’m not letting it pass. Too Latin for me, and it’s unfortunately not a Latin version of Nine Muses.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Cloudian – New Vision

This unsurprisingly goes harder than any of the more well-known bands in South Korea, while still staying softer than Dreamcatcher at their softest. Not that the song is good or anything, it’s fucking bullshit but the video’s worth watching just to have a quick chuckle at that one guy who sings the first verse and over-enunciates it to the point where it looks ridiculous. Also skip to 3:35 to watch them attempt to scream but fail miserably.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Kang Hye Yeon – Great

The only former BESTie member who chose to continue with a music career seems to be Hyeyeon and honestly, she really does have a perfect look and voice to be a trot singer. Even if you guys don’t like trot I recommend watching the video just to look at Hyeyeon looking ugly-cute and endearing, in a kinda similar way to potato queen Hyerin but slightly uglier, which also makes her cuter.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Voisper – Goodbye to Goodbye

The reason why almost everyone prefers manufactured corporate plastic fake idol groups to wholesome indie groups that create their own material and weren’t just randomly scouted and put together like Voisper, Bol4 and AKMU is because most of the former are just way better when it comes to music. Anyways this song isn’t bad but I bet if it was a Western pop song I would have just ignored it.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Spectrum – What Do I Do

This should theoretically be shit, as it’s tropical house in 2018, but it’s kinda good – and not like Chungha’s last tropical song was good by just being a good song with a bit of tropical fluff, instead it actually makes the tropical part work. The worst part here is the SM-style R&B bridge. Let’s forget SM-style R&B bridges.
Increase of sales by: 80%

General songs

And now, let’s take a quick look at all the other songs that came out in November.

Mamamoo – Wind Flower

This should also theoretically be shit, since Mamamoo decided to do the same shit they’ve been doing all year, except without all the flaws that have been killing the quality of everything. So now it’s just Mamamoo being pretty singing a nice melody without much stupid vocal showing off over a backing track that isn’t plagiarized.
Score: 3.5 unusual instances of Mamamoo exceeding expectations out of 5

TVXQ – Jealous

This is definitely better than everything TVXQ have released before this year but I find it really hard to listen to Japanese SM releases these days because none of their artists actually sound good in Japanese.
Score: 2.5 boring MVs with no fanservice out of 5

BtoB – Beautiful Pain

It’s not as beautiful as expected, but also not too painful so yeah. Very inaccurate title.
Score: 3 melodramatic mid-tempo boy group songs out of 5

Wanna One – Spring Breeze

Meanwhile this is less beautiful and more painful. Funniest of all, it’s the best Wanna One song since their debut. I don’t know why everyone’s got their panties in a twist over their disbandment.
Score: 2 crying Wanna One fans out of 5

Mino – Fiance

This starts off sounding like it might not be typical YG-style then progresses into being a typical YG-style hip-hop swag song with awful everything all around, especially Mino’s poorly acted out GD impression.
Score: 2 out of 5

Yubin – Thank U So Much

Pretty good video and choreography, but let’s not talk about the song. Can Sunmi pass some quality on to her please?
Score: 2.5 Wonder Girls out of 5

Stray Kids – Get Cool

Stray Kids are suddenly getting less cool with every next comeback, they should leave these weak tropical noises aside and replace them with guitars again.
Score: 1.5 cringe music videos out of 5

Hyo – Punk Right Now

This is pretty punk, after all releasing good music in SM Entertainment is the new counter-culture right? For once Hyoyeon’s awful rapping works though, when that awesome beat is the actual focus of the song.
Score: 4 instrumental drops that don’t suck balls out of 5

JBJ95 – Home

I think JBJ’s tropical house noise is having a stroke this time around. Right when the trop machine thought they were disbanded, they brought it back to work again, what a shame.
Score: 2 strangely named subunits out of 5

Nature – You’ll Be Mine

While not exactly as awesome as their debut, Nature’s follow-up hit is badass banging from beginning to end. I mean, not exactly, it’s still got a few imperfections here and there and I don’t think I found myself giving a fuck about the melodies when the chorus sounds like a gigantic bass boosted washing machine, but it is pretty cool. I’m on board with this weirdness.
Score: 3.5 washing machines out of 5

The Boyz – No Air

It’s not really bad, it’s a bit less mediocre than all the other The Boyz releases but it’s also kinda tropical, doesn’t really have any standout catchy melodies and the only part I would actually love to listen to is the last 10 seconds but the dumb vocals repeating “no air, no air” are just getting in the way. Most of the boys actually look good though, I would love to see them in sexier outfits perhaps dancing to a better song.
Score: 2.5 GFriend style choreos on a wet floor out of 5

Key & Soyou – Forever Yours

It’s become a SM trademark these days to be super mediocre and always disappoint. This is what passes for a good song from there these days, and I presumably would have liked this a lot if it was coming from some shit Western pop artist since American pop music is dying.
Score: 3 unfortunate Soyou-less videos out of 5

Key ft. Crush – One of Those Nights

This one’s exactly the same, but a bit more boring with Crush as the featured artist instead of goddess Soyou. It’s not “One of These Nights”, at least, and thank god it wasn’t.
Score: 3 bandannas looking awful on Key out of 5

Dean ft. Sulli & Radmuseum – Dayfly

When did Sulli sound this good? Anyways this song is not my style just like with any Dean song but the chorus is very pleasant and makes it work much better, though it still isn’t anything that special.
Score: 2.5 day flies out of 5

Highlight – Loved

I think that chorus would have sounded way less grating if they had done it with some violins instead of that tropical noise. Not that it would have made the song better or anything, it just would have been less annoying.
Score: 2 military enlistments out of 5

Drunken Tiger – Mantra

Good Korean rap songs are very rare and this is one of those miracles. Just like with any other song of this type I just like the beat and the fact that the performer isn’t too bad is kind of a bonus.
Score: 3.5 burning drums out of 5

Celeb Five – Shutter

This is a better song than their debut but unfortunately less of a meme, and it’s not even good. It just kinda builds up to something then gives us a half-baked chorus.
Score: 2.5 celeb fours out of 5

Taemin – Under My Skin

Taemin has a face that only looks good under certain angles over certain backgrounds with a certain kind of makeup and styling, and otherwise he looks like a weirdly misshapen mass of plastic somewhat in the form of a face with big ass fucking lips. So if I can’t fap to this Eurovision-caliber pop song, what else can I even do with it?
Score: 2.5 earrings looking good on guys out of 5

Seventeen – Holiday

This video is way better, and the song is way cooler as well. Kinda weird that it was released in November though.
Score: 3 attractive Seventeen boys laying on beds out of 5

NCT 127 – Simon Says

When this was described as an awesome hip-hop track I expected something like Cherry Bomb, and this is like that song with much of the badassery cut out thanks to that awfully weak chorus and someone thinking Taeyong’s ugly mullet was a good idea. This isn’t their worst song this year but I cannot stand by stupid choruses and bad styling. SM is dying.
Score: 2 gas masks out of 5

Nu’est W – Help Me

With this release, Nu’est W have sort of decided to stop wasting everyone’s time. Now can they please take that W off their name already, isn’t their member back?
Score: 3.5 rejected Seventeen singles out of 5

Gugudan – Not That Type

Gugudan still don’t know what type they are, but they clearly know that they’re not THAT type. This is the best thing they’ve done so far into their career but it still kinda ends up suffering from “wow no, you didn’t have to sing there” syndrome.
Score: 3 mian-mian-mian-mianhaes out of 5

EXO – Tempo

This kicks ass for the entire beginning and first verse until it goes to the chorus and it’s like “wait, this is it?”. Then with the second chorus it’s just straight up WTF territory but luckily it briefly improves with the cool breakdown and then the chorus comes back again. Overall an interesting listen, but I think the big OT9 EXO comeback everyone wanted should have had a more engaging hook.
Score: 3.5 lines for Lay out of 5

Red Velvet – RBB

Red Velvet’s new song is a bit rough around the edges as well, with pretty much everything being good, upbeat and within their comfort zone until Wendy starts going “woOoAaH” and “ooh-ooh-ooh” and “yeah-yeah-yeah” everywhere, destroying almost everything good in the song. It’s still not really much worse than “Bad Boy”, luckily. The real quality here comes in the form of Joy and Yeri looking fantastic in the video and everyone else pretty much filling the blanks here and there.
Score: 3.5 expensive shiny tops out of 5

Jennie – Solo

She’s going solo guys! Get ready for a bop guys! …oh heck, it’s the usual Teddy bullshit again except with both the verses and the instrumental hook done wrong.
Score: 1 goats out of 5

Lovelyz – Lost N Found

Lovelyz have lost their old sound and now they can’t find it. Not that it’s a problem or anything, they just seem more and more confused with each try to go back to the basics.
Score: 3.5 fancy shiny handheld mics out of 5

Twice – Yes or Yes

Score: yes

Fanatics-Flavor – Milkshake

I now have the bragging rights to say that I knew this was going to be fantastic since the first teaser and it was my most anticipated release of November, even more so than with Twice. Maybe if they changed the group name everyone else would have been as invested in them.
Score: 5 cow udders out of 5

EXID – I Love You

EXID finally follow up their 2014 hit song “Up & Down”, thanks to a killer hook, solid production and a chorus that always blows me away. I guess Shinsadong Tiger was hiding this in his back pocket the whole time Solji was sick so all 5 of them could enjoy being relevant again together.
Score: 5 sandwich beds out of 5

Thank you for reading ❤

Racism & Milk – a foolproof guide to checking if your faves are problematic

Something that is discussed in the international K-pop community, mainly because a lot of people just don’t care that much about discussing the music, are the boundaries of racism. You know, every time someone does blackface, or says some dumb shit on TV, or accidentally blurts out the N-word in a song cover…every single time people are fighting over whether it is or isn’t actually racist. So because I’m always interested in finding out the truth about stuff, today what I’ll attempt to uncover is…what is the relationship between K-pop and racism? What is, and what isn’t racist? Are your faves secretly evil alt-right Nazis? Stay here to find out!

Racism & Milk

Milk has been racist for about two years now, but the thing is, no one in K-pop shies away from milk. Instances like Stellar chicks pouring milk down their tits can be appreciated for other reasons and purposes, but we must remember that Stellar aren’t excused from this milk racism shit – they were just ahead of the times, just like they were with making dance music about space travel and robots, as well as getting on the tropical house trend.

Then there’s this old picture of Taeyeon, so old that you can just consider this a different person now that these parts probably already ended up on someone else’s face. You see how she’s promoting milk in such a cute, childish way? What separates Minhee laying in a bathtub full of milk from Taeyeon making a milk CF is the obvious difference in what the milk is meant to be in both situations. You see, Minhee is a victim of having to lay in a bathtub full of milk and that’s gross. Taeyeon is a vile capitalist bitch who is shamelessly selling racism to the masses even before it was actually racist to drink milk. I’m not sure if she’s done it after this, because she was busy having depression and releasing fanservice-heavy solo MVs where she…didn’t have to bathe in gross milk, but let’s just cancel Taeyeon and not talk about her anymore.

V sure loves milk. Now that it’s been proven that his fellow BTS member and gay-baiter Jimin is totally racist, colorist and sexist, as well as homophobist homophobic, it’s not so far off to think that he might be racist as well. I’m sure he’s never held a girl more lovingly than he holds this disgusting glass of milk.

You might have thought that Twice were completely amazing – younger than SNSD, prettier than 2NE1, less scandalous than T-ara, more active than Pristin and After School, less lazy than Blackpink’s Jennie, less wannabe-badass than everyone else in Blackpink, sexier than Apink, more fun than Red Velvet’s trash Velvet side stuff…but look at the overwhelming proof that is showing how problematic they are underneath the surface! As if it wasn’t problematic enough for them to release a piece of shit like “Brand New Girl”! Put this milk away from my screen already.

Before I leave here’s a picture of Jinsoul not drinking milk. Anyways, the moral of the story, as always, is:

Don’t stan: K-pop idols that drink milk and do milk CFs
Do stan: LOONA

Well this sure was one awful Trojan horse of a post.

Monthly K-pop Track Roundup – October 2018 –

A lot of things changed from September to October, including a bunch of international releases and collaborations that K-pop artists did and also a slight improvement when it comes to more actually relevant artists starting to have their comebacks. For the sake of that, it must have just so happened that almost all the songs from less famous artists and groups this month were a bit lacking, while the boring section remains at a consistently low quality. This month I also added a new section for all the big disappointments from artists I thought were going to do better. Let’s get started!

International releases

Wendy & John Legend – Written in the Stars

I didn’t really doubt the fact that this was always destined to be a ballad, I mean it’s a collaboration between one of the better vocalists at SM and the guy who made one of the most boring hit songs in the last 10 years of pop music. It’s just shit from the beginning till the end, like every ballad from every SM Ent. artist ever that isn’t Yoona.
Does it sound good? No
But was the collab punishment for Wendy’s supposed racism? Probably

The Black Eyed Peas ft. CL – Dopeness

How weird is it that the Black Eyed Peas and CL of all people have a better song than Wendy? How weird is it that it’s not trap and has an actually decent beat? Now if only wasn’t so embarrassing to listen to, this might have been a bit better.
Does it sound good? Kind of
But is it super dope? Not with those lyrics

Steve Aoki ft. BTS – Waste It On Me

It’s apparent that no one from Bangtan’s side was involved in the writing or the production on this because I’m pretty sure almost no one in K-pop would release something that sounds like this in 2018 and only an American could make something so overproduced. Or maybe I’m wrong, and if that’s the case BTS should stop.
Does it sound good? Certain parts do
But should have BTS put their name on it? No

Dua Lipa & Blackpink – Kiss and Make Up

The only reason why this happened was to give Blackpink credibility with Dua Lipa fans and vice versa but the song’s actually nice enough so I’m not complaining. I mean, it’s not the best thing Dua Lipa or Blackpink have made but it would be pretty nice to hear this on the radio.
Does it sound good? Yes
But does the photo they used on Youtube look crappy? Yes

Utter disappointments

So here is the bunch of songs that made me really angry because I know these artists can do much better.

iKon – Goodbye Road

I guess after making one good song iKon were contractually obligated to immediately go back to making weak stuff like this. I was stupid for not expecting this to just naturally happen. It might be the best ballad that YG has done in the history of their existence, at least for a boy group, but that’s not really a compliment.

VAV – Senorita

Guys, just because Super Junior did it doesn’t mean you should do it too. This stupid Latin trend is just proof that Latin pop unfortunately has way more influence in music than K-pop, to the point where K-pop is regurgitating it.

Snuper – You in My Eyes

I’m still listening to some of the songs these guys have from one or two years ago and on the other hand, I’m pretty sure I’ll forget this song exists in about four days.

Jei – If You Love Me

The thing that’s disappointing here isn’t related that much to the song, after all this is just some random female solo artist that made a mediocre Latin-inspired song that I would have dismissed, but I was pretty disappointed to see that this isn’t Fiestar’s Jei. The song is actually better than most of the other songs in this style from October.

Yuri – Into You

A lot of K-pop fans may love shitting on American pop artists as if they’re somehow inferior, but I think we can all collectively come to the agreement that we’d rather be listening to Ariana Grande’s “Into You” than this cheap, boring, un-catchy song with the same name. I was going to say that this is the most disappointing song SM has made all year, but it looks like they immediately outdid themselves with…

NCT 127 – Regular

Let’s be glad this wasn’t given to Exo for their comeback.

Iz*One – La Vie en Rose

Actually this isn’t quite that bad but it’s the biggest disappointment of the month by far simply by showing incredible promise in the first verse and pre-chorus…and then it just goes with the usual non-chorus chorus because the songwriters gave up and couldn’t write a decently energetic, catchy melody to suit all that build up prior to it. I feel like the only person who’s glad this didn’t end up being a CLC song, and boy, was it close.

Boring ballad/R&B songs

Another very skippable section, though I guess I would rather listen to the songs here than “Regular”.

Ubare – Degururu

I like how the lyrics are shown in Hangul and the song is slow enough to allow me to read them very easily and practice my Korean. Thank you, now I’d appreciate it if you made an actual song next time!
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 60%, and the other 40% are practicing their Korean

Baek Ji Woong – Close But Far

I love the calming rain sounds at the beginning. The song is about as uninteresting as expected.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Silverbell – Reset

I want to reset this day and have the three minutes I wasted on this song back.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Wisue – Hey

Though I’d rather be listening to “Hey! No matter where you go…the pretty girls are A-O-A! You know (I know), You know (I know), I’m good, I’m hot, I’m fresh, I’m fly!” this is actually reasonable because the girl wisely knows not to sing much and I actually went back to listen to it a second time, which means it’s six times better than all the other shit songs in this section.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 50%

Jin Ju – Petal

Here, the song is alright by ballad standards and the video isn’t half bad either so I don’t hate this either.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 60%

MRSHLL ft. Lydia Paek – Ok

The other openly gay Korean artist also worked out that he’s a pretty boring performer so instead of singing less like Holland did, he instead decided to get an equally boring performer on the song with him. So it backfired, huh.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%

NC.A – I’m Fine

I’m glad you’re fine, I am too! Anyways, if you look at this from two meters away they say NC.A looks like Eunha.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

N.Flying – Like a Flower

When I saw that black and white filter in the thumbnail, I knew this wasn’t going to be another “Hot Potato”. It isn’t even bad, apart from the out of place ad-libs near the end.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 30%

Eunji – Being There

I honestly couldn’t care less about this song, I was just begging for her to start singing already when the pianos started so it can end sooner.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 100%

Youngjae & Park Jimin – I’m All Ears

That’s Park Jimin and not some random nugu skank? Are you sure?
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Zion.T & Seulgi – Hello Tutorial

The backings to this are so weirdly restrained while remaining completely smooth and boring, which makes everything twice as bad, plus Zion.T and Seulgi sound like absolute crap, and though I’m certainly not a big fan of either of their voices, they just sound really nauseating together. This whole thing makes me feel uneasy. I don’t usually mind Zion.T but this time he’s crossed the line, this is crap.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 100%

Lay – Give Me a Chance

This is weaker than expected, wow. That deserves a medal.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%

IU – Bbibbi

This reminds me of Hyomin’s song from last month that was very disappointing, but I’m not even that disappointed with IU since I know she’ll never make anything good again after 2013, and she’s clearly put her weakest foot forward this time but she killed it on the charts. At least the lyrics are okay, though it’s the same thing she’s been saying for a few years now, just more obvious.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 100%

Average amount of people who’d fall asleep listening to these songs:
100%, with maybe some exceptions because a lot of people enjoy boring music

Nugu group songs

Maybe it’s because of the general section being much better that the nugus imploded upon themselves this month.

Pungdeng-E – Super Market

I love supermarkets, every time I go out with my friends the regular place to go to is always a supermarket. Anyways this song has an okay hook but everything else couldn’t be more boring if it tried. Maybe someone else will make an anthem for supermarkets that sounds slightly better than this.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Solbi – Class Up

This sounds like it could be backing music for a fashion show or something, it definitely sounds nothing like music. When creating electronic songs like this you gotta have someone who has some idea of writing pop music in the same room.
Increase of sales by: 30%

N.tic – Do You Know Who I Am?

Yes I do, me and about three other people certainly do know who you are. Moving on to the song itself…um, this group has a lot of potential but the combination of tropical sounds, a synth melody that I’m pretty sure I’ve heard in five other EDM songs and that one dude not taking off his shoes while chained up in the bed to prevent fap ruin this song completely.
Increase of sales by: 50%

Ashmute – Summer’s Gone

Took you a while to notice it, fuckface, it’s October. Now if I had to categorize this genre-wise I would say it’s either “slightly diluted Aseul” or “something that’s definitely not Korean indie music because Korean indie music usually sucks and this is good”. If you like this, I highly recommend checking out trying out other songs by the same group, I’m pretty sure they sound like this in some other songs as well and unlike everyone else are not influenced by those same R&B tendencies that ruin a lot of K-pop songs that try to sound sad or dark.
Increase of sales by: 80%

Youra – my

This is also pretty okay, and also doesn’t have that much of the R&B shit I mentioned like Rhodes, boring chord progressions and too much singing. Especially the last one, this girl sings very little and I totally appreciate it.
Increase of sales by: 70%

AlphaBAT – New World

This song is a bit embarrassed of jumping on the tropical house trend in 2018, so it hid all the tropical elements far in the background and removed the extras for good measure. It worked, this song would be very not listenable for me had it been like that.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Sweet Fresh Thrill – Pink Hard

This is just that annoying Latin sound I dislike all over again, except it actually sounds like K-pop gone Latin this time instead of just being a direct copy like what Super Junior did with their previous song.
Increase of sales by: 30%

Monika – Luvidu

It’s better than all the other Latin songs and apparently Luda from WJSN is featured on it so I’ll allow it…oh wait, it’s too tropical and that’s some other Luda, so no free pass for this one.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Abry – Over & Gone

This is pretty average overall but at least there are guitars in the background instead of, say, strings or Rhodes.
Increase of sales by: 60%

Soya – Artist

For me personally, the song’s basically centered around the guitar solo after the first chorus and everything else before and after it is just filler when I listen to it. I mean, the chorus and the verses aren’t bad for certain, they’re actually pretty good but what this song needs is more of that guitar solo.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Rainz – Niji

This is basically a usual Japanese ballad-upbeat song hybrid but with better everything. See how much GFriend care about their peers, they took Rainz along with them to make fan service videos together and, as expected, J-pop that’s better than anything J-pop artists release.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Xeheun – Vibe On

This Xeheun girl is acting awfully energetic in a video for a song as boring as this.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Yoogno – Last Scene

This isn’t bad but on the other hand I don’t think I would have liked this if it wasn’t for the awesome girl in the video.
Increase of sales by: 60%

Pink Fantasy – Iriwa

This is pretty cool and just a continuation of the chain of great girl group debuts this year, and the strangeness kinda helps.
Increase of sales by: 75%

General songs

Let’s check out everything else.

Stray Kids – I Am You

I still can’t fathom how someone who looks so much like he could look great if he did some cross-dressing (a.k.a. Felix) has such a low-pitched manly voice. Anyways, this shows some promise at the beginning but then it ends up being very average, just stuff any boy group could do any day.
Score: 2.5 underwhelming choruses out of 5

BoA – Woman

This song is flat and the vocal melody is about as boring as it can get. I feel like if you took out the awesome bass line this song wouldn’t even be a song.
Score: 2 visits to the plastic surgeon a year out of 5

Nu’est W – I Don’t Care

Yeah, me neither.
Score: 2 incompetent songwriters out of 5

Lee Hong Ki & Cheetah – I Am

When Cheetah told this dude to “go away” at 1:58 I could totally relate. I mean, the song started out okay and then he started singing and ruined everything.
Score: 2 vocalfagging idiots out of 5

Golden Child – Genie

It’s pretty weird how the people behind Golden Child actually put some effort into their new single…but when they were done writing the song they made was too good so they saved it for the next Lovelyz comeback and gave them this other song that’s luckily on the better side of average.
Score: 3 breakdowns that were supposed to be super awesome but weren’t really out of 5

Seven O’clock – Nothing Better

It is now seven o’clock but I’m pretty sure sax riffs stopped being trendy around three o’clock and you’re all late to the party.
Score: 2.5 low budget videos of hot guys dancing out of 5

Seven O’clock – Searchlight

Gotta love how companies are somehow smart enough to release both a really average song and an actually great song cause it’s pretty hard to predict which one the fans will prefer. Anyways, this song is kinda dark and dreary but on the other hand it’s also upbeat and has those awesome rough synths in the chorus.
Score: 4 searchlights out of 5

Nakjoon ft. Luna – Still

The only reason why I included this song is because Luna is in it, I don’t even know who this Bernard Park person is.
Score: 2 boring cheesy duets out of 5

San E – Wannabe Rapper

I don’t really care about the message that is supposedly behind this when the song is so shit. I really can’t bear to listen to any San E tracks without vomiting or immediately playing something else.
Score: 1 wannabe rapper out of 5

Super Junior – One More Time

Get your shitty Latin pop out of my K-pop. I’m sure the next 11 Super Junior songs will sound exactly like this, but they’ll just get worse and worse each next time.
Score: 2 awful trends out of 5

Lay – Namanana

The song is certainly unmemorable, stupid and embarrassing but this is one of the rare cases where the lyrics killed the song, or at least the little shred of potential it had.
Score: 1.5 china sheep out of 5

The Rose – She’s In The Rain

Damn, all these “rock” bands keep outdoing each other in being boring to the point where it’s not funny anymore. Their fans must be pussies as much as they are themselves if they can really listen to this slow bullshit.
Score: 2 taken down MVs after minor controversies out of 5

Lee Hong Ki & Ilhoon – Cookies

I was pretty convinced that this guy is like 40 or something but apparently he’s 28. It still looks like he’s trying to do tropical house to be cool with the youngsters, though.
Score: no cookies for you, Mr. Hong Gi

BM – Be Mine

Not tropical enough to be horrid, yet it also doesn’t have shirtless BM in it so it’s a wasted opportunity. Since this is the short version, I wonder if the long version has any of those things…
Score: 2.5 ice pops out of 5

Soyou – All Night

The rap verse here just totally got me lost, it really doesn’t belong anywhere in this song. This could have been really great if it wasn’t for that, not to mention the song’s abrupt ending and generally GroovyRoom’s inclusion in the songwriting.
Score: 3 foot fetishes out of 5

Noir – Airplane Mode

I support this for being upbeat and the nice leather straps that never disappoint when boy group members wear them, but I’m not really amused by the song itself, it’s just very passable.
Score: 2.5 autotuned ad-libs out of 5

Sohee ft. Bolbbalgan4 – Hurry Up

Sohee has Hyuna’s passable songwriting and Sunmi’s good video directors, but lacks Hyuna’s boldness, the powerful chorus from the last Sunmi song and the charisma of both. She really disappointed by putting guitars at the end of the pre-chorus, then going ahead and giving us a very weak chorus. I’m pretty sure this girl has been in K-pop for just a year and her agency is already pushing her to do solo stuff outside of her group…Clearly a bad decision.
Score: 2 girls that look like fetuses failing at being sexy out of 5

Amber – Lost at Sea

I’m pretty sure Amber has never looked more like a dude than now, in this video. Meanwhile the song sounds like some random DJ remixing some random washed-up Eurovision track, but the result is a lot less half-baked than usual.
Score: 3 very un-sexy shots of Amber in the bath out of 5

S#aFLA – I don’t fucking know

I mean, I expected more from a group called “S#afla” with a song called “Ddu-Ru-Ddu-Ppa-Ra-Ppa” but this song is alright, albeit pretty basic in a “Mamamoo would have released this in 2014” kind of way. Oh and apparently some former Girl’s Day member is in this group as well, and I’m not sure why she didn’t just get a job or go to school after leaving Girl’s Day, but I’m gonna be happy for her as I’m sure she liked this song better than Girl’s Day’s debut song.
Score: 3 flopping girl group debuts out of 5

Kim Dong Han – Goodnight Kiss

Fuck the song, just put Hyosung’s “Goodnight Kiss” in the background, turn off the sound from this video and watch Kim Dong Han looking sexy and very very confused. About as confused as me when I noticed that he actually looks very good with this hair color, unlike pretty much any other male idol who has done orange hair and probably looked like a boiled carrot. 
Score: 3 boiled carrots out of 5

fromis_9 – Love Bomb

Could do without some of the rapping, but it might be the best fromis_9 have looked or sounded so far. Iz*One better get in line because fromis is still the superior rookie girl group hailing from a survival show.
Score: 4 explosions out of 5

April – Oh! my mistake

April have been forecasting this change of image…or more of a change in clothing style since the last comeback but what I didn’t expect is the change in sound. These synths will make your ears jizz more than April’s milkmaid uniforms made all the uncle fans jizz back in 2015. Certainly if this was any other group they would do the same old “Take My Hand” formula for about 5 albums, just like their label mates KARD continue riding on the tropical house trend and will not stop until about 5 albums after this.
Score: 4.5 cool breakdowns out of 5

Monsta X – Shoot Out

Now that every little thing in K-pop is a whole plagiarism controversy of its own, why hasn’t anyone complained about the “waka waka” chants in this song and how they’re copying Shakira? Anyways, get those chants out of this awesome song because they’re just getting in the way. I mean, they’re not getting in the way of me seeing Shownu’s tits in fancams but they’re certainly getting in the way of the song’s serious atmosphere.
Score: 4 cum shootouts out of 5

Weki Meki – Crush

I hate it when people assume that I’m hating on a group when I point out that they have shit music – believe me, I want to like your bias group as much as you want me to like your bias group. Honestly, I had no expectations for Weki Meki’s comeback at the start but when I heard the album teaser for this song I just wanted to scream because it was pretty obvious that this group would be getting their first actual chorus, which is a great achievement. And now, I’m pretty sure I’m a fan though “La La La” will certainly ride high on my worst of the year list if I manage to make one in December.
Score: 4.5 banners that have “girl crush” written on them just to remind everyone we’re badass

Thanks for reading ❤

Monthly K-pop Track Roundup – September 2018 –

September was a boring month, honestly. Summer was generally okay as a whole season for K-pop music but that just led to a lot of crappy summer leftovers being released at the beginning of this month, and the rest of the songs being an underwhelming prelude to October’s increased activity and the shitshow that will happen in November with all the big groups like Twice, Red Velvet, Wanna One, and so on coming back. The “boring” section is twice as long this time, and I think that tells you enough. Anyways, for this roundup there are no shitty seasonal comebacks so the “summer-specific” section has been replaced by…well, just look down.

Releases not meant for the Korean market (but still affiliated with K-pop to some degree)

Alright so, these songs weren’t really supposed to be here but I’ve got spare time so I’ll review them as well. Mind you, this part of the post is pretty small so clearly not a lot of artists ventured outside of their K-pop bubble this month.

Tiffany Young – Teach You

Tiffany, didn’t your mother teach you not to start a boring song with eccentric sounds and make your listeners think they’re in for something decent? Anyways, the part at the beginning was legit stuck in my head for a week. It’s certainly sad that Tiffany sounds like she could be replaced by any American pop singer here and there would be no noticeable change.
Does it sound good? Big fat no
But does Hyoyeon look good in the video? Of course.

Day6 – Breaking Down

I know Day6 will never go metal or anything so I’m fine with the fact that they’ll never get any heavier than this. They’re doing pretty good these days anyways.
Does it sound good? Yes
But would it be better with louder guitars? Yes

Luhan – The Moment

So apparently ballads don’t sound any better in China either. Too bad, so sad. Not that I care anyway because Luhan’s music is so consistently shit that it was a miracle to see this was boring rather than ugly-sounding badly-produced trap.
Does it sound good? Of course not
But is he living a better life than everyone in Exo? …probably yes.

Goo Hara – Wild

Everything about this song is pretty good apart from the kinda shit verses and the unfortunate shortness of it. I honestly thought only the MV version was at this length but it turns out the single itself is just as short, which is sad. But speaking of sad things, after that Hara scandal happened I totally wanted to write a story about her teaming up with Hyuna and hunting down disgusting netizens that wrote hate comments about them and shooting them with some Glocks (guns are suspiciously popular in K-pop this year). I gave up because that’s just too much for me, and that whole thing faded into irrelevance after two weeks of people attacking Hara than going back on their shitty statements after we found out what actually happened. Hope she’s good and puts out more nice music.
Does it sound good? Yes
But am I wild about it? Not entirely, it could be even better.

GFriend – Memoria

The song is honestly “Time for the moon night” part 2, the Japanese edition and it’s low key better than its predecessor, the strings sound magical, the chorus melody is even catchier, there’s some random guitar thrown in during the bridge and most of all, the style of the video is great though it’s very clearly aiming for the Apink-pioneered Japanese fap video territory. What straight male viewer dislikes looking at pretty girls in pretty clothes in pretty locations with pretty colors?
Does it sound good? Yes
But does Eunha look good in the video? Yes, even though she’s looked better in other videos and SinB, Sowon and Umji stole the show in this one.

Boring ballad/R&B songs

Get your butts ready folks, it’s time for some anal. Let’s pray for a semi-mediocre outcome.

Joypark – I’m still

Not that bad as far as songs in this section go, I actually like the guitar…but this is tropical house, just without the beach video to make it obvious.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap50%

Isle Qim – Shushushu

This is very eccentric so I appreciate the weirdness, but at some points it just goes to bland R&B, so it’s not really gonna be a regular listen for me.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap10%

Kisses – 24hr Store

Sometimes I wonder how a lot of these artists are unknown when Korea loves this kind of stuff, and if Heize or IU did this song it would be number 1 on all the charts. Guess the very bad name she chose for herself is the thing to blame. Also this “Kisses” girl gets an A+ for boob presentation in this video.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap70%

Park San Hee – Over The Blue

That piano line is so boring, it sucks everything else into itself so I can barely enjoy anything in this song. Also, don’t sing in English please, keep the lame lyrics in Korean so I don’t have to actually understand them.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Heo Seongjeong – Sound

I don’t know whether I like this dude’s “could never be in a boy group” kind of appearance or condemn it because it means he’s gonna make ballads on his own instead. This is a ballad like any other, if you like that you’ll like this one as well, and if you don’t like that, just skip over this one.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Hwang Jaewan – Tear Again

Another one who couldn’t ever be in a boy group, there can only be one Shindong in the industry after all. Anyways, there are no interesting chord progressions, melodies or instrumentals here and the girl in the video is only in it for about 2 frames every 35 seconds, this is a total no-go zone.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Dewsisters – With You

This one is legitimately great…as background noise. Unfortunately, I tend to listen to music for actual enjoyment and even if it’s purely something I play while doing homework I need something better so I can focus and not fall asleep.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Uni.T – Begin With The End

I don’t really care about Uni.T’s disbandment, just like I don’t care that I.O.I disbanded. This song is kind of crap, yet again, just like I.O.I’s “Downpour”. It didn’t really take more than 30 seconds of listening to this to figure out it was going to be a disbandment ballad like any other.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 95%

Park Boram – One More Shot

Looks like she took one too many shots prior to making this song, this can only sound good if you’re super drunk.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Rothy – Lost Time

I really do have quite a bit of lost time that I used to listen to all these songs here. Thank you, mysterious nugu chick for pointing that out, you’ve sure been useful but you’re still part of the problem.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 75%

Eyedi – Red

This jazzy crap almost sounds decent, and it also sounds like something that would get played in some bar maybe around closing hours when everyone who’s still there is drunk as shit and is under the illusion that this music is the best thing ever.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Hyomin – Mango

Hyomin’s new song sounded just fine until I realized it’s boring as shit and I just want to like it because it’s Hyomin. Just save yourself some time and ignore this.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 80%

Average amount of people who’d fall asleep listening to these songs:
100%, with maybe some exceptions because a lot of people enjoy boring music

Nugu group songs

Let’s check out the artists with no cultural significance or commercial relevance and look for some hidden gems in the world of K-pop.

NewKidd02 – Shooting Star

This is super decent, not really as good as it could be but it avoids a lot of dumb shit that could have potentially happened.
Increase of sales by: 60%

Camila – Red Lips

This reminds me of (G)I-DLE’s debut song, and I didn’t care much about that song so you already know what I think about this one, even though “Red Lips” is actually better. I kinda like the look of the video though.
Increase of sales by: 40%

ALiKE – Summer Love

The tune itself is alright, and almost doesn’t sound like every summer song ever, but more interestingly, one of the girls low key looks like Sulli when she smiles. Check for yourself.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Rothy – Burning

This, on the other hand, is just a typical average tropical house song.
Increase of sales by: 50%

Slowstones – Slowstones

I really want to support this totally ultra mega nugu band but it’s so tragic that I probably wouldn’t be able to find that much info about them cause I don’t understand Korean and I’m pretty sure around four people know them inside and outside Korea.
Increase of sales by: 100%

Owol ft. Giantpink – Not Bad

Gotta love how the song stays true to its title. Also, Owol is cute.
Increase of sales by: 60%

Jooyoung – N/A

This starts off as pretty average, but it gets alright around the end so it’s not boring enough to cut it for the boring section of this post, so I just left it here because you probably have no idea who this “Jooyoung” fella is. Actually, I had no idea he was a Starship artist in the first place.
Increase of sales by: 50%

Blue Lamb – Universe

I like this, it totally surprised me by not being trash, but it could have been better if it went for sounding a tad darker.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Sori – Touch

This sounds a bit similar to the last DIA song, but better. Anyways, extra points for good ass fanservice, though this song and video sure didn’t do me any service in terms of helping me differentiate Sori and the other girl in her group.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Spectrum – Dear my

Actually this ballad is fine. Just thought I’d move it here from the boring section to let everyone know.
Increase of sales by: 50%

Kitten Girls – U Me Us

And this is totally awesome. This is exactly why I want to follow nugu girl groups, they tend to bring back a lot of stuff that was really good in the golden ages of K-pop, like high tempo and fun.
Increase of sales by: 80%

Sugar Tint – Heart Ppyong

The production basically flew out the window here, but the song would have been something alike some of T-ara’s best songs (or Crayon Pop’s “Saturday Night”) had this been given to someone who didn’t have a 5 dollar budget to work with. Honestly, this could have easily been the best song of the year if it didn’t colossally fuck up in that area (it’s still close, of course).
Increase of sales by: 90%

Lucente – Your Difference

That slight rhythm change in the chorus, a lot of the raps and the way the phrase “your difference” is used should all be awkward as fuck but they’re not entirely, because this song is fucking awesome. I wish Kard did something like this and didn’t just fuck with the same old tropical house sound for every single song.
Increase of sales by: 90%

Great Guys – Illusion

Proof that “punchy and aggressive” works better for boy groups than weak R&B shit or “cute” concepts that usually come with half the songwriting skill used in girl group songs.
Increase of sales by: 80%

S.I.S – Say Yes

The only unfortunate thing about “Say Yes” are definitely the screechy high vocals that sound very grating at points, and it turns off people who can’t tolerate that sort of thing. I don’t really care about it though, so I found the song to be just fine despite reading a whole bunch of negative reviews on it before.
Increase of sales by: 75%

Overall number of nugus who need a train ticket out of Nuguland:
11 out of 15

General songs

And here is everything else that wasn’t boring enough to get into the boring songs, relevant enough to not get into the nugu songs and fully 100% kinda part of K-pop.

Verivery – Super Special

It’s not exactly very very super special, but it’s alright and the guys look much better than whatever 90s boy group it is whose song they’re ripping off.
Score: 3 ignored messages I sent to Kangmin asking him to date me out of 5

Day6 – Beautiful Feeling

Here’s a branding idea for Day6 – they should just learn how to dance and do an AOA band-regular Korean group hybrid concept so when they do their softer songs they can put that under the “regular K-pop boy group” side of their image. This song is one of the few softer songs I like from them, though.
Score: 4 lame live performances of this song out of 5

Jooheon – Red Carpet

Call me when Wonho does a video/photoshoot/photobook dressed in the same clothes as Jooheon here. Or just wearing nothing at all.
Score: 2.5 pay raises for Jooheon’s stylist out of 5

Super Junior – Animals

Super Junior’s newly embraced Latin pop trend sucks…and they also found a way to integrate some random tropical-style noises in the background.
Score: 1.5 Despacitos out of 5

Amber – White Noise

I don’t know if Amber is forced by SM to do these light pop songs or she just has a shit taste in music just like Shannon Williams so she constantly wastes her talent and potential, actively choosing to do this very average (albeit nicely produced) 2010s Top 40 dance song.
Score: love is 2.5 walls out of 5

Got7 – Lullaby

I have nothing to say about the song, but it’s the closest to okay that Got7 have done since 2015.
Score: 3 hot barefoot BamBams out of 5

Chanyeol & Sehun – We Young

SM Station always proves they can consistently release the most average songs ever, this time with 10% less fap because Sehun’s outfits aren’t sexy enough and there’s no homoeroticness.
Score: 2 hot Exo dudes out of 5

GWSN – Puzzle Moon

GWSN ripped off “4 Walls” so hard they even took Amber with them.
Score: 3 astonishingly cool videos backing up average songs out of 5

100% – Heart

I have officially lost faith in 100%. Their company has no idea what to do with them, clearly.
Score: 1 tropical house song to shit all over 100%’s previous discography out of 5

The Boyz – Right Here

There’Z something really uncomfortable about the progression of the melody, especially in the verseZ, that really just ruinZ the whole song. A lot of boy groupZ tend to do that kind of shit for some reason.
Score: 2 overly large boy groups out of 5

SHINee – Countless

If SHINee weren’t doing so many comebacks this year, this would have ended up just being the last song on an EXO/NCT album that will never get performed live because it’s just so mediocre. SM always barely avoids being completely shit due to high production value.
Score: 2 unneeded sub-par SHINee comebacks out of 5

Uni.T – I Mean

I was very relieved when I found out Uni.T did something again after their token shit disbandment ballad “Begin With The End”, and I find it weird how no one mentioned that it sounds similar to Momoland’s “BBoom BBoom”. Maybe if everyone was up their own ass about it, Uni.T would have gotten more fame.
Score: 3.5 cute girls singing absolutely awful high notes out of 5

The Fantastic Four – Wow Thing

The ultimate female K-pop artist collaboration…right? Well, these special units always tend to be more hype and less actual song or video quality but this one has a very good beat, and the girls all look really good (especially Soyeon).
Score: 3.5 unpretty rapstars out of 5

Park Jimin – April Fools

It’s April Fools but Jimin, her stylist and the video director aren’t joking around. I don’t even really care what’s going on in the video, it’s enough that the hottest girl in all of JYP Entertainment got a solo song and MV again.
Score: 3 comebacks every 10 years out of 5

Onewe, Oneus – Last Song

I don’t understand why this group called their first song “Last Song”, but it’s not bad and I’m sure people who like Day6, FT Island, and other bands will like this as well.
Score: 2.5 dumb group names out of 5

WJSN – Save Me, Save You

Just another almost but not quite good song from WJSN like most of their others, with a great beginning but very incompetent verses and a chorus that’s just okay. Thankfully the video’s great, even without Cheng Xiao in it.
Score: 3 missing members out of 5

Oh My Girl – Remember Me

If there’s one song that really grew on me since the beginning of this year, it’s Oh My Girl’s “Secret Garden”, and they’ve done the same thing again except with a beginning that doesn’t fit the song too much and some raps for no fucking reason. So of course, the result is vastly inferior despite the fact that the central part of the song sounds even better than “Secret Garden”. By the way, can someone give Binnie something to eat, because she looks weirdly skinny in the live performances.
Score: 3.5 deceiving teasers that made me think this was going to sound way different out of 5

Pentagon – Naughty Boy

This is clearly a message going out to E’Dawn. Damn, he sure is a naughty boy for living his life and dating like a normal person would.
Score: 4 failing entertainment companies out of 5

Girls’ Generation – Lil’ Touch

It has some nice production and harmony and also Hyoyeon, so I’m not gonna complain too much about it, but everything else from the hook of the song to the bra padding is just trying too hard.
Score: 3 girls that actually look acceptable in the video out of 5

Gavy NJ – I’m Fine

This is the best power-ballad I’ve ever heard in my entire lifetime. That was a weird sentence to type out, I must admit, but the song really is great and the only things that could be posing a threat to it are the failed vocal stunts the vocalists attempt to do in the last third of the song.
Score: 4 cliche boring over-dramatic MVs that still hurt me because I barely have a love life out of 5

NCT Dream – We Go Up

The song is the best thing to ever come out of NCT Dream in a while, but why are people so concerned over Mark not being in this sub-unit anymore like it matters so much? You’re still gonna get the same songs from Dream and Mark is still gonna remain in the group.
Score: 3.5 (successful) attempts at emotional manipulation of dumb fans out of 5

Dreamcatcher – What

Is it just me or do girl groups tend to stick to specific themes and sounds with less concern over how successful they are more often than boy groups? Dreamcatcher really outdid themselves here in particular, as the video is outstanding even more than their previous ones.
Score: 4.5 weird song titles out of 5

Sunmi – Siren

Let’s finish this off with Sunmi’s surprisingly awesome new release that I had no doubts was going to be one of the best songs from the whole month since the teasers. I feel like she just took the better parts and stylistic elements from “Heroine” and made the whole song just that without any filler and a way better melody that makes me think K-pop is finally gonna get to its 2009-2012 level of quality.
Score: 5 washing machines out of 5

Things we have learned this month :

  • GFriend are the bad girls of K-pop, they couldn’t stop at stealing Apink’s sound so they had to steal Apink’s video style too.
  • People should always have their guards up for tropical house, it’s all around us and we rarely notice it just because it’s hard to see through it when there’s no beach video.
  • Background noise dose not equal actual music.
  • Disbandment ballads are universally the stupidest type of music in K-pop, how about you try to please your fans with something they actually wanna hear?
  • Uni.T knows that disbandment ballads are universally the stupidest type of music in K-pop, so they attempted to give their fans something they actually wanna hear while steadily delivering the disbandment ballad as well. Take that!
  • T-ara won’t come back until Hyomin stops fucking around with fruit.
  • I won’t believe that CocoSori are actual clones of Hani until I see their birth certificates.
  • When boy groups in Korea do dark concepts it might not entirely suit them, but it suits them twice as much as cute concepts on a usual basis.
  • SM need to get a grip when it comes to SuJu.
  • No current girl group, not even f(x) itself, has the balls to try doing something similar to f(x)’s old experimental sound.

Thanks for reading ❤

Late (Sort of) Monthly K-pop Track Roundup – July/August 2018 –

Dear friends, I am in deep shit. Not only do I have like 15 posts I haven’t done yet but on the other hand I’m lagging behind on my monthly reviews, and I’m also lagging the determination levels to listen through all these crappy-ass albums so I’ve decided to switch to an easier format – song reviews. My idea to listen to all K-pop albums was fucking retarded in the first place, so I think I’ll just continue doing this instead. Well, then, welcome. Take a seat. Take your pills too and a bottle of water because these are two months worth of songs and reviews to sit through. However, as a way to keep things fresh and exciting, I’ve divided all the songs into four sections: “general”, “summer specific”, “nugu” and “boring fucking shit”. Let us get started! Careful if I talk shit about your faves.

Summer-specific songs

Summer songs have been a thing in K-pop for a while now. I could go ahead and make specific sub-sections such as “tropical horseshit” and “Sistar rip-offs”, but that would be going too far.

Hyolyn – Bae

This song is even more intolerable than “Shake It”, and that’s saying something. Can’t she copy “I Like That” or “Give it to Me” instead? I guess good music isn’t in style this summer.
Score: 2 tasty sexy hash tags out of 5

100% – Grand Bleu

I’m not sure what the point of this five dollar budget video was, maybe it’s their anniversary or something so they couldn’t be fucked to do an actual comeback. Unfortunately, the music suffered a great bit as well.
Score: 2 better days out of 5

Mamamoo – Egotistic

While avoiding the tropical house trend like the plague (lol no, they did a tropical house song earlier this year), Mamamoo unfortunately didn’t manage to avoid the Latin pop trend and reggae, so that’s Egotistic ended up being that. The song is almost decent and the aesthetics (not to mention Mamamoo themselves) improve it a lot.

Score: 2.5 um oh ah yeahs out of 5

A-Yeon – You and I

I don’t know much about this chick who apparently is a drummer but I highly doubt I’ll ever even care about her if she continues to do these boring tropical shit songs. Luckily, she doesn’t seem like she can sing so at least she’s pretty quiet for most of the song.
Score: 1.5 drumsticks out of 5

FT Island – Summer Night’s Dream

The guy from Produce 48 actually has good songs, wow. Though it could do without the marimbas in the background during the verses. Clearly N.Flying has started a revolution and all the Korean male rock bands are starting not to suck.
Score: 4 treasure islands out of 5

Brave Girls – Rollin’ (New Version)

The second the girl said “in tropical beat” I regretted playing this song. Anyways, the saxophone ruined the song, it sounds like it belongs in a pop song from my country, and that’s no motherfucking compliment. Otherwise it’s pretty average and even borderline catchy but I can’t let it pass because we have to collectively eradicate tropical house.
Score: 2 sax riffs out of 5

Jessi – Down

The ass is the only nice part about this song, everything else is utterly unimpressive from the singing to the generic tropical instrumental. Now if you want to cheer up and get out of your misery after listening to this crap, check out that one shitty freestyle diss rap she did three years ago.
Score: 1 pair of boobs out of 5

Dia – Woo Woo

MBK seems to be on the verge of collapsing these days because the two slightly relevant groups they had are gone (thank god). Shinsadong Tiger is back to doing what he does best with “Woo Woo”, which is of course, stealing shit. This time however, he didn’t exactly choose the right song so the result is nothing more than average. It’s kinda catchy, but doesn’t have much lasting impact.
Score: 3 plagiarism accusations out of 5

Gugudan SEMINA – Semina

This sounds like a rejected 2015 Mamamoo title track with the brass and the funk influences, and one of the girls even sounds like Solar. Of course, the hook is every bit as weak as it is when Mamamoo do this kind of thing. Pretty much the only reason why someone even considered making this sub-unit is that this trio was on Produce 101.
Score: 2.5 pointless sub-units out of 5

Ashley – Here We Are

If she basically comes from the same company as Loona, why is she releasing this? I don’t really mind the MV and the synths in the chorus actually sound pretty great but overall I’m not feeling this.
Score: 2.5 tennis balls out of 5

GFriend – Sunny Summer

They really, and I mean REALLY, got the styling right in this video. Might be cause SinB kinda looks like Moonbyul. Oh, and then there’s the song…It’s actually much better than any other attempt at pulling off the “Sistar summer song” style, even better than what Sistar themselves did every summer, but it’s still a bit shit and it wouldn’t be nowhere near as good if it wasn’t for the girls looking absolutely amazing.
Score: 2.5 accurate weather forecasts out of 5

KARD – Ride on the wind

The song is alright, not too shabby and definitely not as shit as “Hola Hola”, but let’s talk about more relevant stuff for a minute. Reason #1 why co-ed groups are never successful: right when I’m trying to admire BM’s half-naked body, that cunt Somin appears on the screen and ruins everything.
Score: 2.5 minutes of staring at BM’s man tits out of 5

HeyGirls – Nog-yeojwo

Being a nugu doesn’t have to be a handicap all the time, because this sounds like an even better Sistar rip-off than what GFriend did. It’s still not great, of course, but I was surprised by how much I actually didn’t dislike it.
Score: 3 sunny summers out of 5

Hyolyn – See Sea

Hyolyn also had another song before “Bae”, it was also summer themed and as a sane person, I expected it to be the usual once I heard the beginning but…somehow, I’m living in the timeline where Hyolyn successfully pulled off doing a tropical-80s throwback style song hybrid. To be honest, I wouldn’t mind just listening to the instrumental but the vocal melody isn’t that bad either.
Score: 3.5 videos where Hyolyn looks kinda crap out of 5

Red Velvet – Power Up

There are two types of people on this planet: people who think “Bad Boy” is better than “Power Up”, and people who have a good taste in music. Just kidding, I’m not discrediting anyone who prefers their January comeback but this one is muuuuuuuch better. The only thing that could improve this song would be making the bass even louder.
Score: 4.5 pineapples out of 5

Twice – Dance the Night Away

But if there’s one K-pop song that truly made me feel the summer vibes, it’s this one. I bet people are still saying “CHANGE THE CUTE CONCEPT REEE” even though this song sounds pretty different from their previous bunch of title tracks and the video isn’t even that “cute”.
Score: 4 cool nights out of 5

Chungha – Love U

This song made me love Chungha, mostly because it’s every bit as good as her last one, “Roller Coaster” and it’s also the one actually good tropical house song this summer. Not much else to say here. The production is great, the melody is catchy and Chungha is hot.
Score: 4 relevant former I.O.I members out of 5

Average score for all the summer-themed songs this year:
I do not have the effort to calculate anything but let’s say it’s 2.5 hot girls dancing on a beach out of 5

Boring ballad/R&B songs

The biggest enemy of the consistent quality of K-pop are definitely shit ballads. I don’t mean to say that all ballads are shit because one of my favorite songs of last year was a ballad but on a usual basis Koreans really like their ballads in the most boring possible form, which makes them pose a big threat to good music.

Raina – It’s okay

Raina heard Yoona’s last two songs and was like “oh damn, when Pledis lets me out of the dungeon for 2 seconds to drag After School fans on a rope, I’ll copy what this chick did and it’s such a relief that I can actually sing so I’ll make the song three times as good!”. Her vocal talent had the opposite effect on the song and it doesn’t help that whoever wrote it is an idiot and doesn’t realize that giving her voice more room doesn’t help. If only the instrumental moved a bit more during the parts where she was singing the most, this song could have been good.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 65%

BtoB Blue – When It Rains

This one has a different version of the same problem in Raina’s song, and that is that the vocals are given too much space and emphasis. I don’t care if you can sing, anyone can vocalfag around when backed by a decent producer who edits the shit out of your vocals. You didn’t have to make a whole sub-unit centered around it.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Tenny – 159cm

Pretty bland. No one would be mentioning this if it hadn’t been for the accompanying music video. Luckily, the video is nice enough (file it somewhere between Maco’s “Sweet Memory” and Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls” in the lesbian music video list)…but I would rather have a version with two guys in it.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 60%, 30% if they’re watching the video

Taeyeon & Melomance – Page 0

This one has a gay video too. It’s also pretty boring (both the video and the track), even more so than the last song on here…even though this song has more of a groove and seems more upbeat. I don’t have much to write about it, just listen to this if you enjoy usual SM Station and don’t if you agree that most Station songs miss the mark completely.

Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 70%

Zico ft. IU – Soulmate

The theme of falling asleep at some points of this video sure describes my feelings on the song. The general public in Korea will love this for sure. Anyways, it isn’t that bad, it’s actually quite alright by “serious jazzy crap” standards but the standards are quite low.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 75%

Jin Longguo – Friday n Night

“Ballad Longguo is back, I’m so happy” is the second thing I read in the comment section of this video. The title sure is misleading because good-looking guys at his age should be out partying and drinking every Friday, but he’s an idol after all, he probably spends his Friday nights training and crying.
Roughly estimated percentage of people who would fall asleep listening to this crap: 90%

Average amount of people who’d fall asleep listening to these songs:
100%, with maybe some exceptions because a lot of people enjoy boring music

Nugu group songs

Groups that make you ask “who the fuck is this and how do they have such an amazing song, why didn’t SM/YG/JYP think of this amazing shit”. Simple enough, right?

Target – Is It True?

Target’s producers are unfortunately looking for inspiration in all the wrong places, and probably noticed that a lot of more popular boy groups do boring shit and went and tried it for themselves to very dull results. The video actually looks very good but the guys are all styled to look the same so no eye candy to be found here either. What a letdown.
Increase of sales by: 20%

Laboum – Between Us

These girls have been here for like four years with no chance of actually becoming relevant yet most of the songs they’ve released are fucking great, and here’s another one. This one would be their “cute girl group goes sexy” moment, and they did it about as well as a certain other group which will be mentioned later. It didn’t need the sneaky background vocal masturbation near the end, however.
Increase of sales by: 80%

Myteen – She Bad

Right when I though that the house sound SM was pushing on all of their group at one point was dying, suddenly nugu groups started to do their own budget version of it at a lower speed with a slightly better, catchier and sexier song to back it up. It’s still meh but they tried their best to improve something that is usually a letdown. (*stares at f(x)’s 4 Walls*)
Increase of sales by: 60%

In2it – Sorry For My English

In terms of the aesthetic, the awesome dance moves and shitty breakdown I have a feeling this could have been Roly-Poly 2.0, but it’s unfortunately not as musically powerful and the chorus is kind of disappointing. Despite that I must say, this song is actually pretty enjoyable at times and the production is cool as heck. I likey like dis.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Musky – Secret of My Heart

Well, the music sure is fucking brilliant, but I really wish this whole song and MV was done with a male duo instead because there are certain fetish-fueling moments in this video that I sure wish I could fap to…and I would also get a bonus good song in the background. I demand justice for this fucking shit.
Increase of sales by: 90%

Sha Sha – What The Heck

My thoughts exactly. Sometimes this song sounds like it could come from one of those newer slightly-below-A-list girl groups and sometimes it sounds like the most nugu thing ever. In any case, it’s different (I mean, when’s the last time you heard this cutesy pop-rock stuff), fun and energetic so I support it ideologically and as a song too.
Increase of sales by: 80%

Sixbomb – Hiccup Hiccup

The video here is worth watching purely because of all the porn references that they aren’t even trying to hide, to the point that it’s almost comedic. On the other hand the song is to “Pound the Alarm” what GFriend’s “Glass Bead” is to SNSD’s “Into The New World”.
Increase of sales by: 40%

Baba – Oh! My God!

The 7 dollar vocal editing, production, MV and camerawork all paid off at least in a musical sense, because this song sounds absolutely magical, about as good as when more popular groups do it with a larger budget. Kinda sad that their lineup changes with every next comeback, it’s even worse than Rania and Nine Muses.
Increase of sales by: 85%

Nature – Allegro Cantabile

The wave of good, yet severely underrated K-pop songs from this summer is best represented by what was probably my most-listened to song during the summer, Nature’s debut song – “Allegro Cantabile”. Someone has to do the weird shit after all. This song doesn’t only have fucked up melodies, harmonies and transitions but is also borrowed from some anime OST…of all places. Iconic. Showstopping. Whatever your favorite up-and-coming girl group is, Nature blew their wigs off.
Increase of sales by: 100%

Cherry On Top – Hi-Five

This really reminds me of Odd Eye Circle’s album tracks, in a pretty good way, and it helps that this song’s better than all of those. Pity that these girls look like they’ll end up doing sexy submissive exploitative concepts about two to three years into their idol career when their company figures out that they aren’t really doing well enough to get into the B-list of girl groups (that statement rings a bell, doesn’t it?).
Increase of sales by: 70%

D-Crunch – Palace

If you lived in a palace I’m sure this video wouldn’t look like this and the song wouldn’t be shit. Nor would one of the guys say something that vaguely sounds like “Roly-Poly” and drag T-ara’s name through the mud. Nor would I be stuck waiting for a “Girls Girls”-esque awesome breakdown that makes the song not sound quite like shit anymore.
Increase of sales by: 0%

Bigflo – Upside Down

Bravesound is pretty much the same as he’s always been – one time he’ll make an absolutely shit boring song and then the next day he’ll write a group’s best hit. This one has no future of being a hit or taking Bigflo to Relevanceland but it’s still great.
Increase of sales by: 80%

Minseo – Zero

The song and the hairstyle don’t suit Minseo quite as much as “Is Who” and her hairstyle in it, and there is a whole pack of other problems in the way that her vocals are embedded into the backing track in some parts of the chorus and how awkward the mostly bad-ass video looks in the parts when Minseo is just standing and mime-singing, and I also don’t really like the way the whole song ends, it doesn’t really do this song justice. Now, that’s about it for my complaints, everything else is good enough.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Imfact – Nanana

I’ve always thought that Imfact are one of those nugu boy groups that do truly have potential. Honestly I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad over this song being great because it’s kinda sad for SM Entertainment when an unknown boy group does that house-y sound you’ve been trying to pull off for years better than you in their first try. Sadly this song takes its time to progress from below-average to above-average which kinda takes away from the full enjoyment and a 100% increase in sales.
Increase of sales by: 90%

Saturday – MMook JJi BBa

I’m so sorry for always comparing groups to one another and talking about one group when reviewing another, but K-pop is a genre that pretty much lives and breathes on copying, so comparing isn’t really so unreasonable after all. Now, there’s a small number of less-successful girl groups that have tried to mimic the musical genius and conceptual weirdness of acts like Orange Caramel and Crayon Pop, but most of the time the results end up half-arsed, even when they try their best. Saturday did their best Crayon Pop impression with a great song on the first try at copying them, so they’re the exception to this rule. Hell, this is even better than that one last song Crayon Pop did that had a dumb sax riff as well. Kinda sad that the general Korean public overlooked this brilliant fun shit.
Increase of sales by: 200%

Up10tion – So Beautiful

There are certain standards that I have when it comes to K-pop MVs being fappable, and usually there is a limit to how aesthetically pleasing one video can be while being fap material at the same time. Hyomin’s “Sketch” is a great music video simply because of the fact that it looks great and has high production values, but at the same time its genital-pleasing prowess cannot be denied. On the other hand, I find low-budget low-effort videos to be much easier to use as a replacement for porn, as you’ll never really be distracted by the pretty colors and matching of elements and you can just focus on the cute guys. Trust me, cumming is easier.
Increase of sales by: 70%

Overall number of nugus who need a train ticket out of Nuguland:
I don’t know, but stan them if you so please

General songs, AKA all the crap that I didn’t have a special section to add into

So here are all the songs that are reasonably relevant, not too far off into ballad territory and not summer-themed despite being released in July and August. It has a little bit of everything, and of course a little bit of crap here and there too, and I’m pretty sure it’s the longest section too.

Berry Good – Green Apple

Berry Good release really good stuff on a usual basis but I guess they just had a slight misstep here and ended up making one of the blandest songs of their whole career. At least the lineup seems to be pretty much the same from 2016 and I’m not one to get discouraged anyways, because they always release a boring song or two between their good ones.

Score: 2 green apples out of 5

Apink – I’m So Sick

I love this song so much that I listened to it one too many times and it got a bit boring now, so I’m just gonna wait for a month to pass so I can enjoy it again. Anyways, this concept suits them slightly better than the usual mundanity they used to do and the music was getting worse anyway so they were always in need of a little change.
Score: 4 white dresses out of 5

Holland – I’m Not Afraid

Okay so, whoever works with Holland obviously can’t teach him how to sing properly or fix his vocals in other ways, and he completely lacks personality in his image and vocals and absolutely everything, making him the Korean version of Troye Sivan…but this song is great and his singing isn’t even that important in the song. Actually, I would have appreciated it if his singing was kept even quieter, I love the instrumental a lot, and the fact that it’s poorly produced by usual high-budget K-pop standards adds to the enjoyment.
Score: 3.5 complaining vocalfags out of 5

Holland – I’m So Afraid

The other song sounds like it could go off and be the second version of “Neverland” that I will never ever need, but with the way it progresses, it just gets even more and more awesome, and it’s pretty nice that this one has much better production and less shaky vocals. If Holland could just continue going into this direction of focusing more on making good music rather than living on a reputation of being gay and releasing boring shit.
Score: 4.5 gay solo artists out of 5

Golden Child – Let Me

Most aggressively average song of these last two months, but it isn’t trendy bullshit, which is a good thing for K-pop overall.
Score: 2/5 and no made up measurement unit to tell you how much I liked it because I already told you in the first place, and it’s just not worth thinking about

MXM – Ya Ya Ya

I wouldn’t say this on a usual basis but, they did it better than T-ara. Which is not much of an accomplishment, obviously, because “Yayaya” is shit and instead of actually linking the song, if you click the link on the text here you’ll get to listen to a better T-ara song from last year (be grateful). This song is okay but while writing this part I stopped listening to “Ya Ya Ya” and just went to listen to the T-ara song. You should do the same.
Score: 3 shubidubi shalalalas out of 5

Triple H – Retro Future

Not really all that catchy but the amazing production, the “sexy vibe” that is mentioned in the lyrics and Hyuna and E’Dawn’s performances help take it to a whole another level of greatness that wasn’t really quite there in their previous release. Now I hope they keep doing the same thing as “Double H” because one of them is obviously a third wheel and probably feels awkward knowing that aunt Hyuna and his group mate are fucking every night and their chemistry in the MV is 0% acting.
Score: 4 retarded dating scandals out of 5

Teen Top – Lover

Not sure why Teen Top’s company hates good music so much to the point that they would release tropical shit in a year when it’s supposed to be gradually going away for good. And to top that off they also had a good song last year and here they are now going back to being shit.
Score: 1 “omg sis this is a bop” comment out of 5

Leo – Touch and Sketch

Okay so, the chorus is magical but certain parts of this sound like very generic R&B and I don’t really like the guy’s voice but I got over it. Now make the video sexier please, I can’t fap to this.
Score: 3.5 hours of pondering why this song isn’t as good as “Touch” or “Sketch” out of 5

The Boyz – Keeper

These days the Bravesound-style intro is out of style and people are starting to give credit to their producers in the motherfucking song title on Youtube. Why, I will never know. Anyways, the song is very decent but the video is pretty fappable in a “cute guys dancing outside or standing still and being pretty in gentle lighting”. Kinda like a male version of Apink with equally boring music.
Score: 2.5 jizzshots out of 5

Seungri – 1, 2, 3!

Basically an even better version of what a decent Western male artist could do on a better day, and definitely more charming, energetic and fun than most other songs you’ll hear all year. Seungri and Anda both look pretty fantastic. I think people forget that he’s the one in Bigbang with the best solo stuff (not to mention, he’s the hottest one, I’ll be back when I’m done with my “staring at Seungri” break).
Score: 4 nut explosions out of 5

Seungri ft. Mino – Where R U From

When I think about a K-pop expansion to the US and Europe it would be more reasonable to think that these stupidly fun and simple dance songs would probably be the ones to go viral first, I mean, who can deny those cool dance moves and the ridiculous MV…oh wait, someone did it already. Fuck.
Score: 3.5 cum discharges out of 5

Twice – BDZ

Gotta love how it’s not only the best Japanese song Twice have done so far, but they also trolled all the haters by dressing up in black and making the beginning of the video overly dramatic then just doing a song that’s about as “usual Twice” as it gets. I’m not even gonna pretend that anyone watches this video for the song though, I think this one’s just all about Jeongyeon killing everyone on sight with her fucking visuals.
Score: 4 tanks with attractive girls in them out of 5

Astro – Always You

It’s always a relief when one of those mostly instrumental-based choruses doesn’t sound empty, and it seems like more and more groups are actually doing it right this year. This sounds like those EDM songs Seventeen do sometimes, in a good way.
Score: 3.5 actually okay instrumental choruses out of 5

Seventeen – Oh My!

Speaking of Seventeen…All it takes is a slightly above-average song and a slightly above-average video in terms of aesthetics to camouflage the members of Seventeen that I find unattractive and make them super good-looking, weird.
Score: 3.5/5, but will Pledis debut Yunjin if I say that “Thanks” is SOTY?

LOONA – favOriTe

So I’m not that keen on the song itself, I just see it as what it was in the first place – a pre-release to show off how awesome the girls can be and maybe a way to bait idiots who later complained about “oh no, a cute concept”. So it’s pretty nice because not only did all 12 of them (especially Yves and Yeojin) nail the feel of the song and MV but it also gave people who dismiss good songs because of their dislike for certain types of concepts something as well.
Score: 3 milliseconds of screen time for Vivi out of 5

MXM – Checkmate

The song’s average, even the jarring breakdown’s just average by jarring breakdown standards. Donghyun is cute though.
Score: 2 Davichi phenomenons out of 5

Monsta X – Livin’ It Up

Finally, someone knows what they’re doing in Japan. It’s not an inferior version of their Korean material, in fact it’s a superior version of everything they’ve released in the past two years…and it’s also not an attempt at copying J-pop but taking inspiration from the shittier side of it…wow. Starship knows where the money is so they gave Monsta X the most average song possible in Korea yet went all out in Japan. Keep doing that, please. By the way, hi Wonho.
Score: 4 smart business moves out of 5

how do you spell this again – Hann (Alone)

I don’t mind this, I definitely liked it more right when it came out and the spell kinda wore off, but it’s still pretty okay and a vast improvement over their very boring debut song. It’s definitely more relevant that the girls look absolutely stunning this time, whoever’s doing makeup and styling over at Cube needs a raise…and they should maybe move to a decent company.
Score: 3.5 plagiarized Hyuna hand-licking moves out of 5

SF9 – Now or Never

And this is how you do boy group comebacks. Honestly I would have preferred if the song just went a bit more into aggressive-moody electronic territory instead of going back to R&B all the time, but the result now is pretty great and should serve as a lesson to everyone else who tries to do a modern sound like this but fails because they try to follow too many trends instead of trying to write an actual song.
Score: 4 funky guitars out of 5

Stray Kids – My Pace

Thank god this at least kinda rocks and it has some nice synths in the chorus, because it suffers a lot from a lack of cohesion and goes in four different directions in its four minute run time, which isn’t always a good idea. The chorus is pretty good though and the dudes are hot and can rap, so I likey like this.
Score: 4 songs mashed into one out of 5

BTS – Idol

Here’s the big one, and I’m not sure where to begin with it. Some people love it, some hate it and I’m honestly somewhere in the middle, because I think it could have been great if you took away the awful hard Autotune, Jimin’s high note and gave more focus on the beat instead of the low-effort irritating raps. I still listen to it sometimes because of the instrumental, but it could have been one of BTS’s most awesome, infectious, viral songs but they try a bit too hard instead of just staying back and letting the beat do its thing. Also, Taehyung is currently riding high on my bias list, that pink hair suits him too well.
Score: 2.5 attempts to chart high in the US out of 5

Kyungri – Blue Moon

Score: 5 gay backup dancers out of 5

iKON – Killing Me

For once I actually understand what the fangirls are screaming about (I mean, apart from Bobby). This song is on a level above every other iKon song, and though it spends some time being pretty average, it’s kinda like Blackpink’s last song, where the verses are just foreshadowing the awesome instrumental hook.
Score: 4.5 cute idols with weird teeth out of 5

LOONA – Hi High

This is eventually going to end up being on top of my faves of 2018 list, for a whole bunch of good reasons. I knew I was going to love it at least because of the typical (hi) high level of production, not to mention the cute girls. Unlike a lot of Orbits, I never had a problem with Loona doing a cute concept for their debut, and it made sense that the song and MV weren’t dark because all 12 of the girls being together should be a happy occasion, right?
Anyways, the song is a bit extra, but I’m loving everything about it even though it’s overloaded with layers and layers of sounds and different melodies. Honestly, it could have been entirely perfect if it simplified itself a bit, but all members have to somehow get lines. The fact that twelve girls have to be together on a three and a half minute song definitely caused some minor issues. Hi-highly recommended to everyone.
(Next post is going to be a “all LOONA songs so far ranked” post, by the way, look forward to that when I’m done in about 10 years)
Score: 5 awful perverted Heejin upskirt shots out of 5

Things we have learned this month :

  • K-pop albums are a waste of time, rarely ever are there exceptions where there’s more than one song to listen to without going crazy/falling asleep. That’s why I’m only reviewing songs now.
  • Tropical house is officially not trendy anymore. It’ll 100% go away in about 2 years, so let’s not celebrate immediately though.
  • Whatever your favorite girl group does, GFriend can do better.
  • Red Velvet’s Red side remains superior and if you don’t like “Power Up”, you’re boring and you suck.
  • Chungha is the best post-I.O.I artist.
  • Shitting over ballads is fun. The “boring shit” section is recommended to everyone with insomnia. Now let’s pray that Yoona will release another ballad soon to save the day.
  • Watching for new nugu groups pays off because when they release something damn good, they release something damn good.
  • Holland should not be afraid to look for some vocal lessons and a better producer.
  • Seungri is great (pic below related)
  • We should all pay JYP to never let the Twice members do any plastic surgery and ruin their beautiful faces like the last Nation’s Girl Group did.
  • To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand LOONA. The lore is extremely subtle, and without paying lots of attention most of the hidden messages will go over a typical viewer’s head. There’s also Yves’s killing visuals, which are deftly woven into her characterization – her personal philosophy draws heavily from Olivia Hye’s “Egoist”, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this group, to realize that they’re not just cute – they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike LOONA truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the quality in Yeojin’s solo song “Kiss Later”. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Blockberry Creative’s genius unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools… how I pity them. And yes by the way, I DO have an Odd Eye Circle tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

Thanks for reading ❤

Monthly K-pop Album Roundup – June 2018 –

Welcome to another one of these retarded-ass posts where I force myself to sit through hours and hours of 70% stupid shit boring music with no one paying me for it or at least giving me some support here on the blog (barely anyone reads it after all). There’s always an upside though, 30% of these shitty K-pop songs will end up being on my phone all year round and I’ll be listening to them all the time because there’s always good stuff hidden beneath the surface. June in 2018 is luckily one of these not-very-busy months because everyone is getting ready to attack in July and August with summer comebacks and so far it’s been wild so I know I won’t be bored reviewing all the songs from next month. However, let’s focus on what is happening, or more so, what happened in June. Where there any good songs? Let’s find out together!

Wanna One – Undivided

Release date : June 4th
Genre : Dance, Ballad
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2/5
Key tracks : “Sandglass”

Well this sure is saddening and mediocre, but it didn’t even disappoint me because I had pretty low expectations after their previous mini album. “Light” is rather generic and boring, the real amazing thing here is the one song with the Heize feature which actually turned out pretty alright! Overall, I wouldn’t go back to four of the five songs here and neither should anyone…oh heck, of course this crap is charting.

Ravi – Kitchen

Release date : June 26th
Genre : Hip-hop
Type : Mixtape
Personal rating : 1.5/5
Key tracks : /

No Park Jimin to save the day on this mixtape. At least “Nirvana” was an okay enough song so I could tolerate Ravi’s absolutely irritating Auto-tuned voice but no more of that. The beats and the guest features aren’t anything special either, they’re equally as shit and offer absolutely no misdirection to make me forget about how horrible Ravi sounds. Only upside is that there’s a song here about cutting steak or something.

ONF – You Complete Me

Release date : June 7th
Genre : Dance, Ballad
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 4/5
Key tracks : “Complete”, “Incomplete”

Damn, someone is doing June comebacks with some real energy for a change. “Complete” is one of the better boy group songs I’ve heard this year, I guess something like that is too good for all these popular relevant boy groups, so these whom’st’ve-the-fucks are doing it. Apart from the title track, the rest are pretty good and chill apart from the sucky ballads that don’t fucking belong on the album (reminds me of CLC’s amazing “Black Dress” that got close to getting a 5/5 from me, it would have if it wasn’t for the boring last song).

Yubin – City Woman

Release date : June 5th
Genre : Dance
Type : Single
Personal rating : 3.5/5

Here’s another one of those former Wonder Girls member solos, and it’s probably the best one yet. Though I don’t really see it as great by any means, it’s growing on me because of the way that Yubin’s performance and the disco-inspired production match one another so well. Sunmi may be a bit more charismatic on stage but Yubin did a better job nailing the style for sure.

UNB – Black Heart

Release date : June 28th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “Black Heart”

In terms of music quality, I think The Unit turned out to be superior to all these other survival reality shows but UNB over here and UNI.T seem to be getting way less attention than the crappy Wanna One. “Black Heart” is a weirdly fantastic song and very unfortunately the only highlight on the so-called mini album (it’s three songs, this shouldn’t be called a mini album). Totally unexpected for a boy group to do this killer old school influenced electronic dance track, but I guess miracles do happen sometimes.

Girlkind – S.O.R.R.Y

Release date : June 10th
Genre : Dance
Type : Single
Personal rating : 2/5

There are a few redeeming qualities here and there but overall, I’m just not feeling this derivative tropical-house style song from Girlkind, especially when paired with this huge lack of catchiness in the “S.O.R.R.Y” part and the post-chorus rap part that sounds very wrong somehow. I won’t accept your apology, Girlkind.

Jaurim – Jaurim

Release date : June 22nd
Genre : Rock
Type : Album
Personal rating : 3/5
Key tracks : “Sleeping Beauty”, “Other one’s eye”

Jaurim are a band that a lot of K-pop fans, including me, aren’t aware of. The thing that’s definitely their best asset is the vocalist here, she has an absolutely great voice but even apart from that their songs are pretty neat. What’s definitely keeping them from being popular outside Korea is the fact that they’re not very unique or innovative, so there’s not much interesting about them from the point-of-view of a person more familiar with rock than I am. Apart from the singer, I guess. In any case, this is an cool album that I totally didn’t expect to put in this roundup as it isn’t really what I usually look for when listening to K-pop.

Minseo – Is Who

Release date : June 20th
Genre : Dance, Folk
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “Is Who”

I actually have no idea who this Minseo is but I’m pretty sure she had a song with Gain two years ago from some OST that reminded me a bit of those T-ara ballads from back in the day. I didn’t know what to expect from her solo stuff and overall I’m not amazed by this mini album but I can surely say that “Is Who” is one of the freshest songs of the year. I barely ever hear this kind of slightly dramatic, upbeat, dynamic stuff in K-pop with this kind of instrumental touches, pleasant violin solos, catchy melodies and a moving rhythm that will get you shaking side to side in no time. I’m glad I gave it a chance.

Nu’est W – Who, You

Release date : June 25th
Genre : Dance, R&B
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2/5
Key tracks : “Shadow”

Pretty boring. I have a friend who loves “Dejavu” but to me it’s pretty unimpressive. Same goes with all the other songs here, I don’t even remember what I listened to cause they were so bland. And then there’s “Shadow”, which was pretty alright but I still don’t see myself listening to it anytime soon.

Busters – Grapes

Release date : June 12th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3/5
Key tracks : “Grapes”

These nugus have an alright song right here. “Grapes” starts off just somewhere around listenable and it gets pretty good when the chorus hits. I wouldn’t say I’m amazed or anything but it’s pretty catchy, not generic and boring and the production sounds pretty nice for a group as nugu as they are. The other song here sucks, don’t listen to it.

Blackpink – Square Up

Release date : June 12th
Genre : Dance, Hip-hop
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “DDU-DU DDU-DU”, “Really”

I’ve completely lost interest in Blackpink these days because of this comeback. Not only did everyone including the group themselves have to wait a fucking year for this, the mini-album is pretty average. Overall, I’d say that the title track and “Really” are the best songs here mainly because of the choruses being extremely addictive and everything else being tolerable enough to keep me listening. I’m definitely not that impressed and I don’t think that “Ddu-du Ddu-du” has that much power to stay on my playlist for a longer time. “See U Later” is definitely the biggest disappointment in the bunch because it doesn’t stay with the vibe it has at the beginning and just ruins everything with the chorus.

Taeyeon – Something New

Release date : June 18th
Genre : R&B, Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3.5/5
Key tracks : “Something New”, “Baram x3”, “Circus”

Oh shit, Taeyeon released something decent. Just what kind of magic is this, nobody knows. But to be real, it’s just slightly above average, but nothing special overall like pretty much any SM album these days so don’t get your hopes up. The surprise here is obviously the title track, which surprised me by not being the usual shitty tropical house/ballad/soft rock/”song that starts great and then goes nowhere” type, and instead actually being kinda catchy and pleasant to listen to.

A.C.E – A.C.E Adventures in Wonderland

Release date : June 7th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “Cactus”

I didn’t particularly like A.C.E’s new title track but the video was spectacularly jerk-off-worthy pleasant to look at. I think they’ll definitely secure all the acclaim for being the best rookie boy group at least according to my crotch. I can’t even pick a bias because they all make me horny have a lot of talent to offer. After listening to the album I just decided I’m gonna keep playing their first two songs because why not listen to good music while masturbating. I hope their next comeback improves even though “Take Me Higher” is one of the most fappable music videos of 2018 and they keep putting out genital-pleasing aesthetically nice MVs.

Day6 – Shoot Me: Youth Part.1

Release date : June 26th
Genre : Rock
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3.5/5
Key tracks : “Warning”, “Shoot Me”

While A.C.E were busy being fappable while simultaneously bringing the quality of their music slightly lower, Day6 were busy not being fappable but luckily, bringing the quality of their music a lot higher. A friend I have who’s crazy about them played “Shoot Me” on her phone and the quality was shitty so I had no opinion on the song itself until I heard it for myself…and it’s actually great, yay. Now please do this kind of stuff for every album, perhaps even a bit harder with the guitars. But even this is enough as I just discovered that on a regular basis, Day6 just do soft, slow, boring shit. When E-Young officially leaves After School and forms a metal band, these guys will just completely lose any chance they had at relevance…but maybe if they stick to this sound I won’t mind them.

Kim Donghan – D-Day

Release date : June 19th
Genre : R&B, Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “Sunset”

Weird coincidence how “Sunset” combined a hot guy with a good song, usually it’s either one or the other with male artists/groups. I’m gonna go watch the MV again and I don’t think I’ll be able to write a longer description with just one free hand.

BtoB – This is Us

Release date : June 18th
Genre : Dance, R&B, Ballad
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2/5
Key tracks : “The Feeling”

This is good background music to do anything to because it’s fucking boring and forgettable (for the most part) and you’ll be able to focus on whatever else you’re doing extremely easily. Though “The Feeling” is actually pretty alright.

Fromis 9 – To. Day

Release date : June 5th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3.5/5
Key tracks : “22nd Century Girl”, “DKDK”

What the hell even is the intro of this album, I wish the whole album was like that but with a little bit more screaming to rival Haru Nemuri. Anyways, this album is kind of a step down from their first one, it’s kinda like just typical cute girl group stuff plus the fantastic “22nd Century Girl”. Their name is still stupid.

Elris – Summer Dream

Release date : June 28th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3/5
Key tracks : “Summer Dream”

I like “Summer Dream”, if not because it has nice production, because it’s not tropical house or the awful Sistar summer song copy that G-Friend did. The rest is pretty average and not worth talking about much, and even though I was almost about to praise the production I remembered that most K-pop songs are pretty well-produced so it’s just another average expected thing.

SHINee – The Story of Light EP.2

Release date : June 11th
Genre : Dance, R&B
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2.5/5
Key tracks : “Electric”, “Who Waits For Love”

“Good Evening” is growing on me these days, despite the fact that I thought it was a bit on the generic SM side the first time I heard it. “I Want You”, on the other hand, is a lot more mediocre and not even generic SM, but just generic any-company stuff, and I don’t think even changing the instrumental to something less trendy would make the song any better. To add insult to injury, it also reminds me of an unfortunately slightly superior AKB48 song (and the only AKB48 song I’ll ever like). “Chemistry” sucks and makes me think “wow, K-pop fans who listen to this should just switch to western pop because there are a lot of dicksucking songs like this there”. The rest of the B-sides are alright and the album, overall, I’d say is just average SM output from beginning to end with a slightly lower than average quality title track.

SHINee – The Story of Light EP.3

Release date : June 25th
Genre : R&B
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 2/5
Key tracks : “Lock You Down”

How come no one does these mid-paced emotional uplifting tragically beautiful anthems right, yet fans still eat them up so much? Actually I won’t even get into criticizing “Our Page” because I have a few friends that really like SHINee, I’ll just keep quiet and move on. The rest of the songs are alright yet again.

Momoland – Fun to The World

Release date : June 26th
Genre : Dance
Type : Mini album
Personal rating : 3.5/5
Key tracks : “Baam”, “Bingo Game”

And now, let’s talk about the most problematic group in all of K-pop right now. I’m one of those people that preferred “Baam” to “BBoom BBoom”, mostly because I found the production to be better, and even though the riff from the first one was catchier the vocal melody is better in the second one. Another thing that I think makes this one more pleasant to listen to is that one noise (is it a hi-hat? I’m not sure what it was called) that comes in at every beat in “BBoom BBoom” and just ruins the song for me. Overall on this album, I think the production is a step-up from the previous one and though the B-sides themselves can have melodies that fall flat, I still kinda like the songs for the instrumentals alone.

Things we have learned this month :

  • K-pop albums are a waste of time, rarely ever are there exceptions where there’s more than one song to listen to without going crazy/falling asleep.
  • Wanna One still suck.
  • Park Jimin should go back and do another song with Ravi because it’ll help him a whole lot.
  • The Unit’s groups aren’t as successful as the Produce 101 groups and I think that’s because the music they do is too good. Step it down a bit, ladies and gentlemen.
  • Girlkind’s apologies will never be accepted.
  • YG should square up or else an angry mob of Blackpink fans (me included) will attack him the next time he has the guts to walk in public.
  • SHINee’s “Good Evening” was a good song all along.
  • Nancy is deeply problematic.

Thanks for reading ❤